OBGYN

Today Nic and I accompanied our birth family to their third OBGYN appointment.  It was great to meet the doctor and nurses who work in the office.  They were all really nice and we liked them allot.  I understood right away why our birth mother likes the doctor so much.  He was really friendly and super enthusiastic about meeting us.  Nic had waited in the waiting room and he even went out there and introduced himself to Nic.

The appointment overall went well.  She gained a bit of weight which we were hoping for.  The doctor still thinks the baby is a little bit small.  He said it has been consistently small so he is no overly worried but still would like to do an ultrasound. We scheduled an ultrasound for Tuesday and Nic and I will head back up for that appointment.  The next day they will see the OB again and he will give his impressions.  We unfortunately can't be at that meeting but they will call and let us know how it went.

Overall we had a great day with the birth family.  It is always nice to see them and catch up.  It will be nice to see them again next week.  The birth mother will have weekly OB appointments from now on.  I might continue to go up for them just to see everyone and get a feel for how things are going.  Nic is not sure if he will go or not.  He is definitely going to the ultrasound but he is not sure about going to the OB weekly after that.  I think the OB office made him a bit nervous.  He really did not want to go into the exam room and was noticeably relieved when I told him he didn't have to.  I think the birth grandmother was a bit disappointed because she wanted him to hear the heartbeat.  Luckily I had my blackberry and recorded the heartbeat so I could let him listen later.  He wants to know about how the baby is doing but not have to be physically in the room.  I completely understand!  It would be different if it was me whipping out my naked belly.

So overall everything is progressing nicely and we are slowly getting closer to the birth mom's due date on January 30th.  I have no doubt it will be here before we know it.  For some reason I keep thinking she will go a bit late but I guess you never really know.  We are excited to possibly find out the sex next week. :)

Ministry Paper Work Done!

Happy Boxing Day to everyone! Nic and I hope you all had an amazing Christmas.  We had a wonderful time filled with friends and family.  We still have a few more get togethers that we are looking forward to.

We just wanted to post a quick note to let everyone know our paper work was submitted to the Ministry of Child and Youth Services just before Christmas (23rd) for approval.  Basically the paper work includes all of the birth families information (social and medical histories), our information (homestudy, home inspection), and a write up from every professional involved (licensee, practitioner, counsellor, and hospital social worker) about their feelings on the match.  We also had to sign a few things saying we were okay with the lack of information from the birth father (medical history). 

We are excited to have everything in to the ministry . This essentially means we have no more paper work to worry about until after the baby is born.  YAY!  More than likely we will receive approval from the ministry prior to the baby being born but it may take a few weeks.  They put priority on cases where the baby is already born.  If our birth mother were to go into labour they would speed along the process.

We are going to see the birth family on Wednesday.  It will be nice to see them since it has been a couple weeks.  We have been keeping in touch via email and text, but it is not the same as face to face.

Safety First

In the spring when we did our home inspection Nic and I started looking for some sort of gate to put around the corn stove.  The stove is great in that the only part that is hot is the glass.  Unfortunately it is the glass that seems to draw little people's attention.

I looked forever and could not find something I totally liked.  Luckily one of our customers does iron work as a hobby and offered to make us a custom gate.  He arrived with it today and I could not be happier with it.  Not only is it functional but a true work of art!

Home Inspection

Josie (our adoption practitioner) came by this morning to have a little meeting with us and check out the house.  Really it was just to make sure that nothing had changed since her last visit in May.  For our ministry approval she had to have been in our home within the last six months.  We were just over that so she needed to make another visit. 

Again we discussed the couple things that we are non-compliant on and how, when the time comes, we will fix the issues.  She agreed there was no reason to put drawer locks on all our kitchen cabinets for a newborn.  We will have to do it when he/she starts to crawl but until then we are okay.

We also discussed her follow up visits once the baby is born.  She has to come see us when the baby is around 7 days old then three more times within the year, just to see how we are doing and if we have any questions.  She documents the visits and then her write up will be submitted when we got to finalize the adoption, when the baby is about a year old. 

The birth family is meeting with their counsellor today to finalize the social and medical history and get their paper work wrapped up.  If all goes well we should have everything ready to be submitted to the ministry for approval by mid-next week, which is great.  It should only take them about a week to approve the paper work and our placement.  Our birth mother is not due until the end of January so we should have lots of time.

Nic and I are planning on going up to visit with the birth family again after Christmas.  The birth mom has a OB appointment on the 28th so we may go that day so I can ask the OB any questions I have.  It will be nice to see them again. 

Next to adoption stuff we are wrapping up our season and getting ready for the Christmas party on Saturday.  I hope everyone is coming so we can celebrate the holidays. 

Baby Preparation

My goal on Saturday morning was to drive to Kingston and get ALL of my Christmas shopping completed.  I am happy to say I accomplished my goal and picked up some things for the baby on my travels.

The two rows of undershirts and sleepers on the left I got at Value Village.  I love that place!  The sleepers are basically brand new and cost a fraction of the cost of buying new.  I had gone to the Belleville Value Village earlier in the week but Kingston had way more variety.  I also got a couple baby books from their as well.  They are a little bit older but I figure most of the information will still apply.

I had to take pictures of three of the four sleepers I did give in and buy new.  They are just so cute!!! I know I still need to buy a ton more stuff but I am happy to have a good start before Christmas.  I still have to wash it all and put it away. 

I wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the offers of lending everything baby and more! With everything happening so soon and so close to Christmas I really appreciate all the help.  I even had an amazing list emailed to me with everything I would need, including diaper and formula recommendations.  What would I do without you guys!! To quote Nic's grandparents "I am blessed" to have so many amazing people looking out for me!

As for adoption related things to do, we are waiting for our practitioner and licensee to get their paperwork together so we can meet with our practitioner in our home and get everything signed off.  We are also waiting for the birth family to finish up their social history which I know they were going to try to do early this week.  Our birth mother has an OB appointment today which we are excited to hear about.

As much as I would love to have Josie come this week to get the paperwork done it is also a mad house around here with the final full week of work in swing and preparations for the Christmas party on Saturday.  As of Thursday I am pretty much going to have a full house until Sunday so it may have to wait until early next week.  We will see what she says and how quickly the paperwork gets done.  I will keep you all posted.

Hospital Tour and Vision Meeting

Yesterday Nic and I travelled up to New Market to go on the hospital tour with the birth family.  Cheryl (the licensee) had called me late in the day on Wednesday to say she was going to try to get everyone organized so we could do the vision meeting after our tour.  She said since we would be in New Market anyway it might just be best to get it done.

We met at the families house first and had a bit of a talk about openness.  I was glad we did because I felt like it made us all a bit more prepared for the vision meeting.  Although the birth family is still saying they do not want any visits, we have arranged to set up a private website with baby updates that they can visit if they so choose and they have agreed they can contact us directly if they want and we can contact them after the 21 day waiting period is over.  We all agree that we get along too well to just end our relationship after the baby is born.  I think explaining that we would be more like extended family or close friends than the birth mother being a "parent" made them feel a bit more comfortable.

We left their house and had a quick lunch in New Market then drove over to the hospital.  We were a bit late getting their and then got insanely lost.  The hospital is HUGE and we obviously picked the hardest way to go in.   We eventually found the maternity ward only because a guy we met in the elevator was nice enough to help us get there.  We were terribly late but thankfully the social worker at the hospital did not hold it against us.  We went for a great tour.  The hospital is AMAZING!  I have never seen anything like it.  Our birth mother will definitely receive the best care possible as will the baby.  We got everything worked out with the social worker and she told us that if the ward is full and Nic and I can not get a room they will keep the baby in the NICU and we can stay with it there.  Nic unfortunately will not be able to stay the night but there is a bed in there I can use.  We thought this was best since the birth mother does not want the baby in the room with her.  Everyone was really nice and we gathered an amazing amount of information.

After our tour we had a meeting with our licensee, the birth mother's counsellor, the hospital social worker, the director of the maternity clinic, the birth mother, the birth grandmother and Nic and I.  Nic and seven women...  He did VERY well.  I was SO proud of him.  I think allot of men would have wanted to crawl into a corner.  I thank all of my girlfriends and the women in Nic's and my family for preparing him for this moment in life!

At first we discussed the labour and delivery part.  Marci the director of the maternity clinic was amazing and went through everything step by step for us and the birth family.  I learned a TON!  After she left and we started our vision meeting.  We talked all about what would happen in the hospital and right after the hospital.  We also laid out the completed openness agreement.  The birth mother will not have to sign it until she signs all of the official consents after the baby is eight days old but we needed to get it done so it could be submitted to the ministry for approval.  Even though they still are saying they don't want visits Nic and I included that we would be willing to do 4 visits a year in case they change their minds.

Overall the meeting went really well.  It was long and emotional but really great.  I truly feel like we have a great bunch of professionals working with us, who I trust 100%.  They had everything organized and I feel like we are in great hands.  We enjoyed getting to know the birth mother a bit more.  She is really opening up and we had allot of fun with her.  She is a beautiful girl inside and out and we are so happy she chose us!

One more thing done!

Next they need to complete the final copy of the social and medical history and Josie will have to meet with us at our house to sign off on a few things. I also think that Cheryl is going to send us a few more things to sign via email.  Once that is done everything will go into the ministry. At this rate I think we will have no problem getting everything in before Christmas.  Nic and I are hoping to meet with the birth family again just after Christmas and hopefully at least one more time before the baby is born.  The consensus at the meeting was that the birth mother's due date might be a bit early so we figure we will see a baby sometime between January 15th and February 15th.  Because of her age she could go early or late.  Is it possible to hold your breath for an entire month? I guess I will find out ;).

I want to thank everyone for your amazing support and love.  Nic and I are so lucky to have such an amazing group of people around us.  This baby will be so lucky to have all of you.  We know we already are.

xo xo

Christmas Party

I wanted to let everyone know that we are still having our Christmas party.  With everything going on I was a bit late getting the invitations out but hopefully they will start to arrive in your mailboxes soon.  It is Saturday December 17th at the shop.  Hopefully you can all make it.  Sorry for the short notice.

Where to Begin???

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind.  We have had a TON of adoption stuff going on which leaves me kind of stumped as to where to begin and how many details to give.  I apologize a head of time if this post turns into a novel. I will try my best to keep it short.

Nic and I were contacted by another birth mother the evening of November 17th.  Nic was already dead asleep when the phone rang. It was our toll free number and I have to admit I was nervous at first that it was the SK birth mother.  I ran for it anyway and missed the call.  When I got back to bed I tried my best to wake Nic up (me - "THE ADOPTION PHONE RANG! THE ADOPTION PHONE RANG" Nic - ZZZZZZZZ.........).  I had no luck at all.  So I put the phone beside my bed and continued watching Private Practice.  It rang again two minutes later.  I tried to wake Nic up again (me - "THE ADOPTION PHONE IS RINGING! THE ADOPTION PHONE IS RINGING" Nic - ZZZZZzzzzzzz.........).  After staring at it for another second I answered and I guess that is where the story truly begins.

The women on the other end was actually a birth mother's, mother (got that).  I will call her the birth grandmother since that is what she is to the baby.  Her daughter (the birth mother) is very young and she had just found out she was pregnant a few weeks before.  Well I am sure her daughter obviously knew but she had just told her mom.  Her daughter was currently 28 weeks pregnant, due January 30th.

They had been in conversations with another adoptive family but things had not worked out because they did not have their homestudy and PRIDE training complete.  It was going to be very difficult for them to do so prior to the baby being born.  As soon as the birth grandmother found out the baby might have to be put in foster care if all the paper work was not in order she got nervous.  It ended up that the adoptive family also did not have the finances together to facilitate the adoption so they decided they could not get it together to make the adoption work.

The birth family hit the internet again, it sounds a bit bruised emotionally after the first match falling through.  They said they looked at about 60 couples and really liked us.  The birth grandmother is Italian which I think is part of the reason.  They are also a very animal friendly family and really like that we had two dogs.  Especially Jessie because the birth mother grew up with a big black lab.  The birth mother also thought Nic was cute and said that he reminded her of a reality tv star she watches all the time on some home improvement show. So funny :)

I talked with the birth grandmother for over an hour that night and also the birth mother for about 15 or 20 minutes.  She is very shy (and young) so I found it a bit hard to communicate with her over the phone.  But it was still nice to hear her voice and find out how she felt about adoption.  Since I could not wake Nic (I literally kicked him a number of times while I was on the phone and he did not even move, I must be working him too hard) we decided I would call them back the next day around noon so they could talk with both of us.

When I got off the phone I shook Nic like crazy and told him the entire story.  When I was done and finally stopped for a minute he said "Okay I am awake.  What happened?"  At that point I told him to go back to bed and I would talk to him in the morning.  I then proceeded to lay awake all night and listen to him snore.

In the morning he woke me at the crack of dawn and I told him all about what happened.  We called the birth family again that morning and we both had a great chat with the birth grandmother.  I spoke with the birth mother again briefly.  Nic was amazing on the phone.  I felt he expressed some things that coming from me might have come across differently, where he just seemed very genuine and excited.  It was really sweet.  I sometimes forget how charming he can be.  I left it with them that I would be in touch with our adoption practitioner and licensee and that one or both of them might be in touch with her that day.

My day was all over the place because it was my birthday and I had five million plans made with people.  I spent most of the day on the phone trying to work everything out.  Nic and I decided that we wanted to use Cheryl Appell as our licensee versus having Josie act as practitioner and licensee.  We liked Cheryl allot and felt she was wonderful with us during the SK birth mother situation.  She is also closer to where the birth mother lives (New Market) and has a bit more experience dealing with underage mothers.  There are a few more steps and departments involved because of this.  So that day Cheryl talked to the birth family and got some counselling set up.  She had a pretty good initial feeling about them and did not see any red flags. 

The main thing for us was to make sure the birth mother had the counselling she needed and got the social and medical history completed.  We knew that the birth father was out of the picture but next to that nothing else.  The social and medical history would answer any invasive questions we had and make sure there were no red flags.

Overall the meeting with the counsellor went well.  The counsellor (Lynn) felt that the birth mother genuinely like us and wanted us to raise her child.  She seemed like a young girl who just wanted to get back to being a teenager.  We read the partial social and medical history and everything looks good.  We still need to see the completed one but overall there were no red flags so we got the go ahead from Cheryl that we could meet with them in person. 

Last Friday we drove into downtown Toronto and met with Cheryl at her office.  She took us through the step by step process of how the adoption would move forward.  She also had us sign a bunch of consents and give her a retainer cheque.  It was nice to meet her in person.  Both Nic and I liked her allot and feel she will do a great job.  She essentially will act as a neutral party and put together all of the adoption pieces.  Josie will act as our advocate and Lynn (the counsellor) will act as the birth mother's advocate.

We met with the birth family at their house in the afternoon.  I was insanely nervous going there but relaxed almost right away.  They have three dogs which broke the ice a bit.  I think they were worried about the dogs but Nic and I playing with them and insisting our house had two big dogs and we always have extra ones coming in and out.  I think that put them at ease.  Right away we met the birth mother and her identical twin sister.  They are REALLY identical.  I am glad that obviously one was very pregnant or we would have had a hard time telling them apart.  We sat down at the kitchen table with the birth grandmother while the girls got a ton of food ready.  I swear we eat the entire time we were there.

Overall we REALLY like them.  We also met the birth grandmother's fiancee (she split with her husband when the girls were 5) and the girls older brother who is 18.  They are a great family and have a warm, loving home.  We had allot in common with them which I kept being surprised about but I suppose that is why they picked us.  I think four girls was allot for Nic at once. He was relieved when the fiancee got home from work.  They talked a ton and seemed to really get along.

It was a great visit and I feel like we really clicked.  The girls are for sure quiet but very sweet.  If you ask them anything they answer but just don't chime into the conversation very often.  We were all talking a mile a minute which I am sure did not help.  I feel that as we get to know each other they will open up more.

When we were there the social worker called from the hospital where the birth mother will be delivering.  Nic and I had talked to Cheryl about knowing that the birth grandmother wanted to set up a tour of the maternity ward.  Cheryl said that there was a wonderful social worker at the hospital (Southlake) that could help us with that.  So we are heading back up to New Market tomorrow to tour the hospital with them and meet the social worker. 

Nic and I are excited to see them again and to see the hospital.  The birth family is wonderful and when they were at the OBGYN earlier in the week had gotten us a copy of the booklet given out by the hospital.  They had also gathered a bunch of information on new babies from their family doctor and OB.  How nice was that?  I read through the information on the hospital and hope Nic will as well tonight so we can write down any questions we have and ask them tomorrow.

There is still a ton of paper work and meetings that have to happen but overall Nic and I think this adoption is going to proceed.  Not only do we really like the birth family and think they like us but Cheryl and Lynn both think we are a good match and that things should work out.  Everything is a bit surreal since she is due January 30th.  We are just trying to keep everything in perspective and work one step at a time. 

The next big thing is for us to set up a "vision meeting".  In this meeting we discuss with the birth family exactly what will happen at the hospital and lay out a openness agreement for after the baby is born.  Cheryl and Lynn will both attend this meeting as well.  We have discussed allot of this with the family already but it all needs to be on paper and official.  They would like us to be at the hospital for sure.  I think that the birth mother would just like her mom in the delivery room with her.  The birth grandmother seems okay with this but would like us near by encase she needs help (I guess she is not great with blood).  We said we would be there the entire time and could help if the birth mother felt comfortable.  In the hospital the birth mother would like us to care for the baby.  If the hospital has enough room I will be admitted and they will give us our own room.  Worst case the baby will have to say in the birth mother's room and Nic and I will care for him/her there (she does not know what she is having).

As far as openness the family is saying right now that they don't want any.  I know that this will change to at least letters and pictures (at a minimum).  Cheryl says that in the agreement we just acknowledge that they don't want anything now but layout what we are willing to do if they change their mind.  We have talked about letters and pictures and three visits a year.  We also are going to allow them to contact us directly by phone or email, instead of going through a third party.  We think it will more than likely be the birth grandmother who keeps in touch versus the birth mother.

Once we get the vision meeting done Josie needs to come to the house and take a look around again.  She will also have a copy of the completed social and medical history for us to look at and a couple other things to sign.  She then needs to do a write up which will be included with one from Cheryl and Lynn and sent to the ministry for approval.  It sounds like the ministry is usually pretty efficient once you get the paper work in but it can still take a week or two.  We would really like for ministry approval to be granted before the baby is born because if it is not the baby could end up having to be placed in foster care until the approval is granted.  This is something the birth family really does not want and we do not either.

So the short of it is, we are having a baby.... We don't know what sex yet but we still need to pick out names and get ready.  We already talked about some names on Friday with the birth family and think we have a couple for a girl but none for a boy yet.  We are including them in choosing a name because we would love to pick one we both like.  If we can't decided on one then the birth mother will name the baby her name of choice on the first birth certificate and when we are issued ours we will put our name on it and use her name as a middle name.  We would like the baby to keep that connection to the birth family.

I will try my best to post an update later in the week about how tomorrow goes.  We are both really excited to see them again and to check out the hospital. :)

Obnoxious Adoption Questions

This morning I was spending a few minutes enjoying my tea and surfing the internet.  I had a hard work day yesterday and did not sleep well thanks to it.  Well ... and partially because I stayed up too late talking with Nic and watching Swamp People.  Don't ask me why we love that show so much but we do.  Anyway, for all these reasons it was hard to get my head in the game this morning.  During my surfing I found this blog written by a women who adopted newborn twins from Ethiopia in 2009. Her post today talked about the Adoption  Bloggers Interview Project where a number of people who blog about adoption are paired up and interview each other.  The project sparked my interest so I read a few of the interviews.  To be honest I could have read them all day but put a stop to it at 20 minutes since I have a ton going on today and wanted to write this post. 

During my reading I came across this post by Allison.  Allison's interviewer Lori describes her as "a writer and photographer who also enjoys speaking about infertility, parenting, and her Christian testimony".  The title of Allison's post is Fake Kids: Real Moms and she says it "addresses those questions all adoptive moms hate". 

I talked a bit about positive adoption language when we did our PRIDE training in the spring.  The questions asked in Allison's post are usually asked innocently, by people who do not know any better.  I am attempting to make sure our family and friends do know better so that when we eventually bring a child into our home the people close to them will be sensitive to their little ears and our hearts.  If you guys are educated then maybe you will pass this knowledge along as well.  Adoption is becoming more and more progressive in our culture but there are many people who are still insensitive to the feelings of the children and adults involved. 

If you have a chance please read Allison's post.  It really hit home for me.

Thanks :)

No Go

The potential situation with the SK birth mother has come to an end, as we thought it might.  We did have some hope when the birth mother contacted Cheryl, the lawyer in Toronto, for some further information.  After she thought about it she decided she did not want to fight the birth father to have the adoption go through.  We completely understand her situation and why she would not want to proceed.  We do feel badly for her and her situation but there is really nothing we can do to help.  She appeared to be a lovely girl in a bad situation.  Hopefully things will change in her life for the better.

We have not heard anything back from the second birth mother who contact us. Our practitioner is aware of that situation as well and said for us to let her know if we hear anything else.  She has a contact in the birth mothers area that could do some precounselling if needed.

Yesterday I called Jennie Painters office and booked our intake session for December 2nd.  That will give me a couple weeks to find time to do the two page profile they require and get all the information together.  We really liked Jennie so are looking forward to meeting with her.

Last week was a crazy one and although this opportunity did not end the way we hoped we are happy to have been contacted.  Our profile has only been on Canada Adopts for one month.  Many people go years without getting contacted at all.  Hopefully this is just a sign that we have done a good job with our profile and that we appeal to young mothers. 

The waiting continues...

Jennie Painter Seminar and Birth Mother Contact

This Saturday Nic and I attended the Adoptive Resource and Counselling Services (ARCS) open adoption workshop put on by founder Jennie Painter.  Jennie is the open adoption specialist in Ontario, possibly even in Canada.  The workshop is a prerequisite for signing up with her agency. 

We both found the workshop very informative.  She had a panel of 4 birth mothers, a birth grandmother and an adoptee.  She asked them a number of questions which sparked allot of discussion.  She also asked us some tough questions which also brought on some interesting discussion.  As usual we learned something and are happy we went.

Half way through the day I check my emails on my phone and discovered we had received an email from a birth mother.  After we got over the initial shock we responded back to her and had some good email correspondence over the weekend.  She is a young women who has been trying to parent her son but is finding it difficult.  She lives in Saskatchewan and has no extended family to help her, although the birth father is involved and mainly parents on the weekends.

We were in contact with our adoption practitioner on Monday and she connected us with a lawyer in Toronto (Cheryl Appell) who has an underwrite on her license for Saskatchewan.  She facilitated an adoption there two years ago so has some good connections in the area.  Cheryl's advice was to talk with the birth mother on the phone and get her permission for Cheryl to call and talk with her about the process.

We sent the birth mother an email Monday night with our toll free number and told her we should talk in person.  We did not hear from her all day Tuesday so sent another email yesterday morning.  The basic message of the email was that if she did not want to move forward we understood to just let us know.  She emailed back later in the day saying that she was scared about talking to social workers and lawyers but did still want to proceed. She gave us her number and said we could call her last night.

We tried a couple times last night to call her but did not get through.  I sent an email saying that I would try back in an hour or so and if I did not get her I would leave the ball in her court.  We were worried we were pressuring her which is the last thing we wanted to do.  Again she emailed back and said she had not answered because she had a heart to heart with the birth father and he has changed his mind and wants to parent. 

We learned allot about this situation at the workshop on the weekend.  A birth father (or his family) can fight a birth mother about the potential adoption of the child and essentially end the chances of an adoption being successful.  Most times the birth mother does not want the birth father to parent so by him fighting her he forces her to parent. 

We have advised the birth mother the best we can but I gave her Cheryl's email and told her I thought she should send any questions directly to her.  The more we talk with her the more we get emotionally attached to her and her situation.  We feel it is best for a professional to answer her questions which will also give us some distance.  For the most part we know that if the birth father wants to fight his son's adoption it will not go through. 

The fact that we have not talked to her in person also has us a bit worried.  We know she is young and scared which I am sure is part of it but we would both feel better if we would have talked with her.  I looked up signs of adoption scams online and for the most part this situation seemed on the up and up.  She has asked us lots of questions about us, how we would raise her child and what type of openness we would be willing to agree to.  She has sent pictures and our conversations have not thrown up any red flags.  We are going to be optimistic until we talk to her again on Saturday but for the most part if the birth father does not agree, it is not going to happen.

While all this was going on we also received another email from another birth mother on Tuesday morning.  She is also a young mother, with three children already who has just discovered she is pregnant again.  She lives in Ontario and it sounds like is just starting to think about options for her child.  We sent her back an email yesterday morning but have not heard anything back from her.

Both of these mothers found our profile on the Canada Adopts website.  We are glad we spent the money since our profile is obviously being viewed.  Our practitioner has also received a few matches for us through the AdoptOntario site which helps place children who are currently in  the foster care system.  None of those matches have fit but it is good to know that their system is picking us up.

Well I wish I had better news for you guys.  I guess we should be happy that we have made contact with birth mothers so early on in the process.  We had put on hold doing our intake session with Jennie Painter so if neither of these prospects turn out that will be the next step for us.  We really like her and her agency and feel that she could help us allot.

I will try my best to keep you posted but for the most part we will just be waiting until we hear from SK birth mother on the weekend.

More News...

I feel like we have something adoption related happening every day lately.  I am going to try my best to make regular entries so I don't forget anything.

I talked to our practitioner yesterday.  She said that her meeting in Toronto on Tuesday went well.  She said she was talking to Cheryl Appell when she was there.  She had given her one of our profiles and wanted permission to send her our homestudy.  This is really amazing because Cheryl was recommended to us by our PRIDE trainer.  She is a lawyer/licensee and facilitates allot of newborn adoptions.  I have had no luck getting her to return my phone calls or emails so it is great that Josie knows her and could get us in.  I was super excited and very pleased.

I asked Josie also about the child we were matched with on the AdoptOntario site.  She said the worker was not at the meeting so she did not get a chance to get more information on him.  She said from reading the small amount of info she has she does not think it will be a good match.  From what she told me I went on the site myself and have a good idea which little guy it is.  I also think it might not be the right match.  She is going to request a full history just to make sure.

This week I also spoke with a lady named Sherri from  The Morgentaler Clinic in Toronto.  Morgentaler is an abortion clinic and Sherri is one of the counsellors there.  It is part of their program to present other options to the girls so she keeps some adoption profiles on hand.  Our PRIDE trainer had given me her name but I did not want to call her until we had time to go to Toronto.  I was not sure if she would want to meet with us or not.  We had a nice chat and it turns out I just need to mail her our profile with a few details.  So that will go out in the mail today.  Whenever I have some spare time I may try to find a few more abortion clinics nearby and see if they will also consider keeping our profile on hand.

I think that is it for now.  Coming up we have the Jennie Painter seminar on November 5th.  Her agency is in Kingston and she only takes couples who will agree to fully open adoptions.  You have to take her course first to get on her waiting list.  We have been enrolled for months so it is exciting that it is getting so close.  I am sure once we are done the course we will just be put on a huge waiting list.  Not much we can do about that.  We are getting accustomed to the fact that waiting is a huge part of adoption.

Our New Four Legged, Fuzzy Addition

Nic and I have added a new addition to our family.  She is big, black and beautiful.  After almost 10 years without a horse I decided it was time to get back into it.  Well actually that is a bit of a lie.  I was conned into it.  Suzie came across this horse who was originally found at a rescue shelter.  She has a bit of a shady past but Suz thought she might be good for me.  She had to persuade me a bit to go see her, but once I laid eyes on her I knew she was coming home with me. 

At first I was a bit worried about how Nic would react.  In the end I think he was so happy she was not another dog and would not be living at our house, he said it was okay.  I would not say he was thrilled about it but he has been out a few times to help out and visit with her.  She has happily settled in with Suzie's heard and I think is warming up to us.  She walked right over to me on Monday when she saw me coming which I thought was a good sign.  Nic thinks it is because I have been feeding her so many carrots and he may be right, but I will take what I can get.

With the crappy weather I have yet to ride her yet.  I am really enjoying working with her on the ground and getting to know her.  Maybe I will get on her this weekend if it ever stops raining.

AdoptOntario Site is Working!

Our practitioner Josie called me on Monday to see how the ARE went.  I told her about the two little girls and how we had decided not to pursue them at this time.  She said that she was going to Toronto on Tuesday for a follow up meeting with all the adoption professionals and would maybe talk to their worker in case there was any information we did not get.  In case we decided we wanted to look further into it later. 

She also said she was meeting with a friend of hers that is a nurse in one of the Toronto hospitals.  She wanted our permission to talk to her about us and give her some of our information.  I of course said yes and told her I would run over to her house that day and drop off some profiles so she had some on hand. 

The last thing she said was that she had received a child match for us from the AdoptOntario website.  I can't remember how much I have or have not said about this site before.  AdoptOntario does allot of things in the adoption world.  The are the ones who put on the first information session Nic and went to last winter.  They have also been developing a child data bank to be used by both adoption professionals and prospective adoptive parents.  You or your practitioner / worker inputs all of your information into the system and according to your criteria it will match you with children.  The system is mainly used for children who are harder to place.  It is also a bit limited because it will not let you input allot about what you will accept in a child.  Because of this you are sometime matched with children who have more physical problems that you have allowed for in your homestudy. 

Josie had a feeling that this little guy probably had more wrong with him than the information she had been given.  She was going to talk with his social worker directly at her meeting yesterday and give me a call today or tomorrow with some more information.  So I am looking forward to hearing from her about that.  She said it was really great that the system was picking us up and cosidering us for potential matches.

Toronto Agency, Truck Break In & Toronto ARE

I'm sorry I have gotten a bit behind so this entry will be a big one.  There has been allot going on in our adoption world.  With our homestudy completed we now have the difficult job of getting our names out there, so we have the best chance of being connected with a child. 

Last Thursday we had an appointment with Michael Blugerman.  We have been trying to get in with a Toronto area agency and he is the only one who we could get an appointment with.  I have heard allot about him because he has been in the business forever and also facilitates international and US adoptions.  Many people said he was a bit old school but overall did a good job.

Our appointment was at 2pm so we arrived about 15 minutes early to find his office locked and no one around.  We waited until 2:15 and then I called to see if anyone would answer the phone.  No luck.  He finally showed up at 2:25 which is lucky.  I am sure if he had been 5 minutes later we probably would have left.  He was all surprised to find us waiting outside.  He knew he had an appointment with us but thought his secretary would be around to get us started on our paper work.  Not so much.

We helped him carry in his bags from the car and sat down for our meeting.  I was surprised to find an ashtray on his desk with butts in it which confirmed just how old school he is.  Overall we had a great conversation and he was realistic about private adoption now a days.  He said at one time it was similar to a waiting list and you could see yourself getting closer to the top.  Now with such a small amount of birth mothers it is more like a lottery.  You never know how long it will take or if you will even be chosen.  He said he had just been to a meeting and they said that only 70 private adoptions had been completed this year.  Does not seem like much in the grand scheme of things.

We paid our registration fee and he said he would call us if he showed our profile to anyone.  At least we are registered with someone in Toronto which is great.  It is also nice to be connected with someone who deals with US adoption.  We have heard allot about a rise in infant adoptions in Florida.  We are not interested in pursuing that now but may in the future.

On Sunday we went to the Toronto Adoption Resource Exchange (ARE).  The day did not start out great.  We had stayed overnight at The Westin by the airport.  Nic wanted to drop by the snowmobile show that was near by so we thought a night in a hotel might be a nice treat.  We did have a relaxing evening but when we went to leave in the morning we discovered that our truck had been broken into.  We had a bunch of items stolen but by far the most upsetting was my bag with all of our adoption profiles and information I had prepared for the ARE.  We had not done a ton of networking at the Napanee ARE because we knew it might be better in Toronto.  Now I had absolutely nothing to present to any of the workers.  Even my notepad was stolen that had all the cards I made for us in it. 

This experience was very upsetting for both of us.  We looked all over the parking lot hoping that they had ditched our adoption information once they found it but we had no luck.  We finally left the hotel an hour late, empty handed.  It took us forever to get downtown to the Metro Toronto Convention Centre where the ARE was because of street closures.  It was the Toronto Waterfront Marathon and all the major roads were closed.  I of course had prepared for this and printed out directions and a list of all the road closures but all the information was in my notepad which was stolen.  We eventually made it to the ARE a good two hours after it had started.  Not the best start to our day.

We watched videos until the first break then took off to find Nic a coffee.  He had not had one yet and it was close to 11am.  When we were outside I checked my messages and there was one for a man I did not know.  He said he had been out hunting that morning and had found our truck?  Our truck was not stolen so I was a bit confused at first.  I called him back and it turned out he just assumed it was our truck since it had our adoption profiles in it.  How crazy is that?!?  He continued to tell me he lived on a 6 Nations Native Reserve South of Hamilton and if we wanted we could come and get them or he would turn them over the police.  We told him we would definitely come and get them we were just not sure when. 

Nic and I went back to the ARE since two girls that we had seen in Napanee were coming up in the theatre.  We watched their video and then talk to their worker to find out some more information.  We also had a nice chat with our worker who was there as well.  Then after some discussion we decided Nic should head to Hamilton and get our profiles.  If he really moved he might be able to make it back in time for us to hand some out.  I stayed behind and watched the rest of the videos and talked to a few more workers.

In the end Nic did not make it back in time for us to hand out any profiles but we were both happy to at least have our information back.  Although we lost close to $500 worth of stuff in the theft and Nic's truck was damaged, the adoption information was by far the most valuable to us.  We were both upset that we could not do the networking we wanted to but there is nothing we can do about it. 

In the end we decided not to put an information request form in for the girls we were interested in.  They sounded really amazing but we just had such a bad vibe about the entire day it did not seem like the right thing to do.  Marie from the Prince Edward CAS said if we changed our mind in a week or so she could always do it for us then. We discussed it allot on the way home so I don't think we will but it is good to know we have the option if we want it. 

So not exactly a successful day.  I don't imagine I will get Nic to stay in a Toronto hotel anytime soon.  Just a heads up to our friends and family in Toronto.  You are going to be stuck with us on our next trip.

Napanee Adoption Resource Exchange (ARE)

This past Saturday Nic and I drove to Napanee for a mini Adoption Resource Exchange.  If you remember we went to a larger one in Toronto in April where all of the Ontario CAS organizations were profiling children.  On Saturday it was just the Napanee local organizations (Frontenac, Lennox and Addington, County of Prince Edward, Hastings, Northumberland and Kawartha and Lanark, Leeds and Grenville).  The next Toronto ARE is coming up on October 16th. 

An ARE is where CAS organizations present children who are available for adoption through information as well as videos.  On Saturday they were focusing on children over 6 and sibling groups.  There were 8 individual children profiled and 1 sibling group of 3 children.  There were also an additional 6 children not video profiled who were under 6 including a sibling group of two girls ages 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. 

The main reason we went to this was because we were hoping to talk with some of the workers from local CAS organizations, to at least shake some hands and introduce ourselves.  Because we can only apply to the local CAS (Picton) it is good to meet some of the other agencies workers because it may help them remember us.  Unfortunately there was such a good turn out it was very difficult to speak with anyone.  The place was packed! I would guess there was at least 50-60 people there.  Our practitioner told us she had 7 couples go. 

Overall it was a good experience and we were glad we went.  We did not get to do the networking we wanted to but there is always Toronto in two weeks.  I made a bunch of handouts with mini profiles of us to give to the workers as well.  We are also hoping to see a video of the two younger girls we saw profiled in Napanee. Our CAS worker is looking into if they will be profiled.

It's Up!!!!

I got an email last night saying that our profile had been posted on canadaadopts.com.  I found a couple of small things I want changed but overall I am very happy with how it turned out.  Click on this link to check it out.  At the top of the page you can select Parent Profile or Photo Album to see more.  They did offer a video package as well but we felt this was enough. 

It all seems very real now.  I am excited!!!!!

Did you know ...

              that all of the following are adoptees:

Faith Hill

Mike Tyson

Ted Danson

KT Tunstall

Curtis "Cujo" Joseph

Sarah McLachlan

Herbert Hoover

Ray Liotta

Nancy Reagan

Ginger Rogers

Dave Thomas (Wendy's)

                                                                                                                               Huh!

Picton CAS Meeting

Yesterday we met with Marie the lady in charge of Adoption at the Picton CAS.  She was really nice and Nic and I liked her right from the start.  She had read our profile and homestudy and greeted Jessie and Emma by name.  She has dogs of her own so was really comfortable around them which was nice.

She was here for a little over an hour and talked to us allot about the adoption program and how CAS handles things.  As always it was a learning experience and I feel like we got allot out of it.  Some of the surprising things we learned were:

-Picton CAS has been doing mainly open adoptions (either with the birth parents or extended family members) when it is safe for the child, for the last 25 years.  This is a relatively new step for CAS so we were surprised to hear they had been doing it for so long.

-Marie has facilitated three newborn adoptions this year and is currently working on another one.  Newborns available through the CAS for immediate adoption are rare.  Often times the birth parents do not give immediate consent for the child to be adopted and the child is in foster care for at least a year.  It was great to hear that sometimes newborns are available.  She said to keep in mind that babies have challenges as well because if there are developmental issues they have not always presented yet.  Also if the mother does not give a complete history there may be some question marks.  If the child is a bit older at least there has been some time to see how they are growing and learning.

-Marie said that she would more than likely propose some children to us that were out of our acceptance zone.  She said we did not need to feel pressure to accept these children.  She said lots of people say no to 2, 3, 5, etc. children during the process of finding the right one.  She truly believes that finding a child is about a connection so if she thinks the child might be right for us she would talk to us about it.  Nice to know!

-She asked us for a smaller written profile with no pictures.  She said sometimes it is better for people to read about us first before seeing us.  More information is not always better. 

-She will present us, along with any other new couples she has available at her next meeting with the three neighbouring CAS organizations.  She wants me to send her our profile in PDF form so she can e-mail it ahead of time.

-The process for accepting a child has more steps than we anticipated.  She said if we accept a child on paper we can then talk with the child's worker (if one exists) as well as the current foster parent to find out more about the child.  From there we may have a meeting with any birth family and then if we still think it will be a good match we will see the child.  We both thought this was great.  It gives us lots of time to gather information before we make a decision.

After we talked she did take a quick look around the house and talked to us a bit about our business.  She seemed pleased with what we had to offer and thought the spare room would be perfect.  I was wondering if she would ask if all our safety measures were in place.  We did talk about it but she said not to worry too much about that now.  Depending on the age of the child what we need will be different.  She says if we are placed with a child she will do a full inspection before we bring the child home.

Marie also mentioned an event going on October 1st.  This is the third time someone has made us aware of it.  We were already planning on going which she thought was good.  At this event Hastings, Northumberland, Kawartha-Haliburton, and the County of Prince Edward will be presenting children who are currently available for adoption.  These children are available because the agencies do not have any families in the area that will accept them.  They will mostly be sibling groups and children over 6.  Although Nic and I know the children are out of our range we think it is important to go.  We are going to introduce our self to the person in each section and leave them with our profile and contact information.  Meeting people in person is important and because we are very close to each of the departments we are hoping they will hold on to our profile and keep us in mind.  Marie seemed to think they would and that this would be a good thing to do.  Connections never hurt.

Overall another great meeting that we felt really good about.  It is wonderful to be meeting so many nice people and learning so much.  Marie also said she thought the Toronto Adoption Resource Exchange was in mid October.  She did not know the exact date but was going to let me know.  So October will be a good month to see lots of kids and make lots of CAS connections.

The Wheels are in Motion

Since my last post we have slowly been moving forward.  Work right now is extremely busy which has caused a few delays in adoption stuff but you have to make money to spend money. 

Last week I signed us up for the Canada Adopts website.  Out of the three websites that have a waiting parent registry we liked them the best.  They seem to be the most well known and have been around the longest.  We managed to get the questionnaire they require filled out but I am still working on condensing our 16 page profile into 1000 words and 8 pictures.  I need to find a few minutes of quiet time to give it a final read over and possibly send it off to one more person to proof read.  Once we e-mail it to Canada Adopts they will proof read it again and it should be up online in a week or so.

I also sent off our registration to Beginnings Family Services in Hamilton.  They are an adoption agency that came highly recommended.  I received an e-mail as soon as they processed our registration asking for a copy of our homestudy and profile.  They also made it clear that they had a 3 to 4 month waiting list and we would be contacted somewhere in that time frame to talk with their adoption practitioner.  Once we talk with her we will go on their official waiting parent list.  The 3 to 4 months is a bit longer than I anticipated but not much we can do. 

We have an appointment this coming Tuesday with the lady in charge of adoption at the Picton CAS.  She is going to come by the house to take a look around and get to know us a bit.  She seems very nice so we are both excited to meet her and see what she says about the adoption program in Picton and the surrounding areas (Quinte and Hastings).  I mailed her our profile and homestudy so she has an idea of what to expect.

We also had a great meeting this past Tuesday with a women named Sandra Webb.  She is an adoption practitioner and also provides counselling services for parents and adopted children.  She has visited orphanages abroad, worked with the CAS and now has a private practice.  Her office is located in Cobourg which was a little over an hour from us.  Overall Nic and I really enjoyed talking with her.  She asked us a ton of questions about our past, present and future.  We explained our adoption journey to date and she gave us some excellent feedback.  It was nice to hear her say she felt we were in a good place and had done more research than most people do.  She felt we were prepared to make an educated decision about what type of child we would accept from either the public or private systems.  Since we have done allot of this without guidance from our current practitioner it was reassuring to know we were still on the right track.

Overall Sandra was very nice and we enjoyed talking with her.  She said some of the same things that a woman I have been talking with from the Ministry of Child and Youth Services has been saying.   That right at this moment we do not necessarily need a practitioner.  Because we are mainly applying to places and talking to people we can do this part on our own.  She said a practitioner is wonderful when you are matched with a birth family and need advice but until then we should be okay on our own.

We are still planning on meeting with at least one more practitioner.  If nothing else we are doing some networking which can't hurt.  We are looking forward to November when we can go to our open adoption seminar put on by Jennie Painter who is the founder of Adoption Resource & Counselling Services.  She sounds like a wonderful women and everyone we talk to that has been to her seminar has gotten allot out of it.  We have already learned allot about open adoption and our views on it keep growing and changing.  We know this seminar will help with that process.  Once we have completed the seminar we can make an appointment with Jennie and hopefully they will have room for us on their waiting parent registry.

When we have some time we are planning on researching a few more agencies to apply to.  I have sent e-mails off to a few lawyers in Toronto that I heard were often approached by birth parents but have not heard back.  Sandra said there was an agency in Ottawa that I should look into as well.

It is very exciting to be getting so much done and moving forward.  I have already sent out the three profiles I had printed so I think I will get another 6 done this week so I have them on hand.  They are pretty quick at Staples getting them printed but I don't always have time to run over to Belleville to pick them up.

Next to adoption stuff Nic and I have been trying to enjoy our summer.  We have been doing lots of camping with our new to us trailer and seeing lots of friends.  It had been busy but allot of fun.  A nice change from our usual summers chained to work and the house.

It's Done!!!!

Finally our homestudy is complete!  We have it in our possession and could not be happier to have it finished.  Overall we are pleased with the content and how it is written.  We read over all of it with our practitioner and made any corrections we thought were needed.  She also gave us a copy of all of our clearances and references which is great since I did not have all of them.

As I have mentioned Nic and I are planning on looking for a new practitioner.  Today did not go very well on that front.  I called the first person on our list who came highly recommended.  She is currently not taking on any new clients and won't be until January or so.  I then took a look at the second person on our list and found out she is currently off due to a recent surgery and her next seminar is not until November which has to be completed before we can have an interview.  I did leave a message on her voicemail on the chance we might be able to see her before then.  I then called the third person on the list and have an interview scheduled with her for next week.  This is a start but one out of three is not great since we wanted some options this time around to make sure we were making the right decision. Ugh...

So we have some thinking to do.  We do not necessarily need a practitioner right at this moment since we will just be meeting with agencies and essentially getting the ball rolling.  There is a very good chance there may be a waiting list for the agencies anyway.  We can hold out until November when we can do the seminar required for the one practitioners if we have to.  We are going to sign up now to make sure we have a spot.  We can always cancel later if we need to.

I have also left a message with the lady in charge of adoption at the Picton CAS.  She had told me to give her a call when our homestudy was done.  She will want to meet with us and needs a copy of the homestudy for our file.  I am also going to give her a copy of our profile since it is done as well.  Although I have to go to Belleville first because when I had Staples print it last week they put all the back pages on the wrong way.  I wish I had noticed when I picked them up but I didn't.

It is nice to be doing something productive again.  I will try to keep the blog updated so you know what we are working on.

:)

The Homestudy Process is Finally Nearing an End

It has been forever since I posted because we have just been waiting for our practitioner to put together a rough draft of our homestudy.  The last two and a half months have been very frustrated.  She has given us a number of time frames and deadlines and not met any of them.  This past week I finally got The Ministry of Child and Youth Services involved (they regulate practitioners, who are essentially self employed).  The two people I dealt with at The Ministry were wonderful and stepped in to help get our homestudy complete.  We have a meeting set for this Sunday afternoon with our practitioner to review our rough draft.  If there are not too many changes she will make them on the spot and we will leave there with our completed homestudy in hand. 

I am trying not to get too excited because I know it may very well be next week before it is done but I am excited to at least look at it on Sunday.  This process has taken far longer than we expected.  Our practitioner received the last piece of information she needed from our PRIDE trainer on May 30th and we expected to have everything finished up shortly after that.  I feel a bit like we have wasted the last few months but work has kept us on the go so maybe it is a good thing.

Once our homestudy is complete our first order of business will be to hire a new practitioner.  I could go into all the trouble we have had with the current woman but really what it comes down to is that we do not trust her.  Both Nic and I feel we need someone who will support us, look out for our best interests and is trustworthy.  This woman does not fit the bill.  We have four potential practitioners that we are going to have consults with.  We do not want to make the same mistake twice so are going to see a number of people and pick who we like best.  They are located everywhere from Bath to Pickering so we will be doing some travelling but there is not much we can do about that.  Hopefully we will find someone great and get this adoption process rolling.

Once we hire a new practitioner we can get our profile up online and start to meet with adoption agencies. We also have a name of a Toronto abortion clinic that we want to contact and we may put an ad in a newspaper way up North that has an adoption section.  We are also going to meet with the Picton CAS and make sure they have our homestudy on file.  So there will be lots to do once we hire a practitioner. 

It will be so nice to start doing something productive again.  All this waiting has taken its toll on me.  Nic has been a wonderful support and our relationship is stronger than ever.  We have managed to take some time away from work this summer and have done lots of camping, boating and visiting with friends.  I feel like we have not been home all summer but it has been a wonderful change from our usual summer chained to the office or job site.

We both still feel confident that adoption is the right choice for us.  You do re-think it when you feel like everywhere you turn you hit another road block.  It may be a bit of a cliche but I do feel "whatever does not kill you makes you stronger".   We have a strong foundation as a couple. These first 6 months of the adoption process have just added a few more layers of cement to that foundation.  We are both excited and looking forward to beginning the next stage of the process.

The Waiting Game

It has been awhile since I have posted, because I have not had a whole lot to say.  Our homestudy progress has kind of stalled.  I have been working on our profile, which will be completed by the end of the week, but next to that we have nothing left to do.  As much as I would like to start talking to adoption agencies, I know that there is really no point until our homestudy is done. 

We do not meet with our practitioner again until she has a rough draft of the homestudy ready for us.  I have tried to determine a time frame with her on when this might happen, but have had no luck.  So basically our hands are tied.

Honestly, I find this very frustrating. One of the first things I said to our practitioner was "I know that homestudys can take as little as two months.  How long do yours take?" Her answer was "a little longer than that."  June 1st was four months from our first phone conversation, and the 21st will be four months from our first meeting.  Grrrr...

Nic has been very busy with work, so he seems to be handling the wait better than I am.  He keeps telling me there is nothing I can do.  He is right about this, of course, but it does not make it any easier.  I just wish she would give me a date when it would be completed.  Even if it is another month away, at least I would have an idea of when, and could start scheduling some meetings with agencies.  I can't force her into anything, and killing her with kindness has gotten me nowhere. 

All we can do is wait.... Thank goodness it is summer and there is a lot to do.  If this was February I may have been pulling my hair out.

Adoption Profile

Last week, the time finally came for us to start putting together all the pieces of our profile.  The profile is a very important part of the adoption process, because it is what birth parents use to determine if they think you are right for their child.  No pressure there at all...

We have done allot of paperwork throughout this process, and I have to say this is by far the most difficult.  Not only do we have to decide on a format, input pictures, determine appropriate backgrounds, and write the content, but we have to put it all together.  Ourselves....  For some who are pros on a computer, this might not be a daunting task.  For me it seems downright impossible.  I have an idea of how I want everything to look, actually making it happen turns out to be a bit complicated.  I had to enlist the help of Leslie, yet again, to get everything together.  She was of course marvellous, and an amazing help.

Nic and I took the rough draft to a meeting on Monday we had with the women who facilitated our PRIDE training.  She is also a practitioner and we thought she would be a great source of information.  She said overall our profile looks great, but we were missing a few things.  She said we should add in a section on our views on parenting.  We had mentioned a bit about what we wanted to do with our children, and how family life would be, but not necessarily our values, how we would discipline them, or educate them.  So we have to work on that.  Because I feel like it is already kind of long, I am going to try to minimize some of the other sections to make room for this. 

She also said that one of the agencies she recommends we sign up with, receives some donation money from the church.  Because of that she figures they will want us to talk a bit about religion.  Nothing in depth, but at least what denomination we are both baptised.  Because we are both non-practicing I had not included it at all.  So I may just add it in so that the information is there. 

After spending almost every waking hour on the profile last week, I am taking a bit of a break from it this week.  I will get back to it again on Friday or the weekend.  Since some of what I have to change is context I wanted to have fresh eyes.

I will be sending e-mails out shortly with specifics about pictures contained in the profile.  It is of course full of family and friends.  I want to make sure that everyone who is in it, is okay with that.  No names are mentioned at all, just what your relationship is to us.  But there will eventually be parts of it posted on the internet, so I thought better to check now than to have to change pictures around later.  It already seems like we have to do everything a million times over, so why create more work for myself.

At our Monday meeting she also gave us an idea of some agencies to put our profile with.  She said it sometimes takes up to two months to get appointments with these agencies.  EEK! So I am going to try and get an idea of when our homestudy will be completed.  We need to have it in hand for the actually meeting, but not to schedule the appointment.   So if I know when it will be done I can start making some calls.  Wish me luck with that!

In general everything seems to be moving forward.  There is still lots to do, but that is okay.  It feels good to be being productive.  Once our homestudy is completed we will be ready to go!  It is exciting to be nearing the end of the approval process.  At least if we have to wait a bit to get into the agencies, we can get our profile up online, as a start. It sounds like our age will be an advantage, which is great.  For once being young is not a hindrance!

PRIDE Training - Day 3 & 4

This weekend Nic and I drove back into Toronto for our last two days of PRIDE training.  The sessions were held on Saturday and Sunday this week which made traffic allot better. It was another day and a half, jam packed with information and emotion.  Our trainers comment that this weekend would be more "fun", might have been a bit of an over estimation, but the material was a bit lighter. 

Saturday we focused on covering the material left in our binders, and Sunday was mainly for speakers.  The speakers were AMAZING.  One was an older international adoptee, another a domestic adoptee and adoptive mother, the other a domestic adoptee and birth mother, and finally a couple who were adoptive parents.  They provided us with a real spectrum of information.  I felt some of their answers to our questions (especially those from the couple who are adoptive parents), helped me to form answers, to questions that were still swimming around in my head.

I cannot get over how much Nic and I have learned in the past five months and how much our opinions have changed.  I still remember the devastation when I found out we would not be accepted into the Honduras adoption program.  I do think everything in this process has happened for a reason, to get us to this point.  A bit hokey I know, and painful at times, but the truth!  We could not feel more confident in the decisions we have made and the path we are going to choose.

PRIDE training in a nut shell was AMAZING!  We got so much out of it, and I am pleased it is mandatory for all adoptive parents.  It should be mandatory for all parents.  I think we lucked out, in that we chose amazing trainers, and our group was filled with exceptional people!  I do wonder if everyone is so fortunate?  One member collected all of our e-mail addresses so we can keep in touch.  I am certain these people will be an incredible source of friendship, and support as we continue down our adoption road.

I can't believe I am saying this but we are nearing the end of the homestudy process.  We still have to complete the PRIDE Connections exercises for our practitioner.  Emma is also due for her vaccinations, so I need to get her in ASAP, and get a new certificate to our practitioner. I am hoping the vet can get us in today.  We also need to complete our "what we will accept in a child" form again.  I am hoping to pick it up later in the week when I drop off our excercises. 

Once our Practitioner has all of that in her hands she will put together a rough draft of our homestudy for us to look at. She said she does have one couple in front of us, who she is fast tracking because they are adopting a number of children.  She made it sound like she could still meet next week. 

My big project is our profile.  For not the first time, I wish my computer skills were a bit better.  My goal is to have a rough draft put together by the end of the weekend.  If the yucky weather keeps up like it is supposed to, I don't see this being an out of reach goal.  It is allot to do, and think about, but I am up for the challenge. 

We are both excited about being at the end of this part of our journey.  Now everyone has to keep their fingers crossed our practitioner gets her part done.  In February when we got started, Nic and I hoped to have the homestudy complete by June 1st.  I will be satisfied if it is in my hands by June 15th.  Finger Crossed!

PRIDE Training - Day 1 & 2

Two days down and two to go! 

I think I can speak for both Nic and I when I say that PRIDE training was not what we thought it would be.  Throughout this process we both have felt like we have been made to jump through some unnecessary hoops.  On our way into Toronto at 4:45am on Friday (to avoid morning traffic), we both discussed that this was yet another hoop.  Was it really necessary for us to complete a training course, and a 27 hour one at that? Don't get me wrong, we are both willing to do anything to adopt.  We just thought this was maybe a bit much.

We were wrong...  This may be one of the first requirements in our Homestudy that actually makes sense (next to having to give references).  The material was all relevant and sparked some great questions and soul searching.  The material is there to inform prospective parents, and maybe scare off some that are not in it for the right reasons.  Our trainer Sofie Stergianis (and her co-trainers), present the information in a way that makes it interesting.  She has supplemented some of the required material, with her own, that she felt was important.  As a private practitioner, and a adoptive mother, she provided some true stories that solidified the information we were learning about. 

At times, the good, the bad and the ugly, were a bit heavy.  But we came away from the two days, happy for having known about it.  We did a number of group exercises, which allowed us to hear about other people's feelings, and experiences.  We met some truly amazing people, who I know we will keep in contact with.  It was amazing listening to people talk and think, that is exactly how I feel.  In allot of ways it was refreshing to learn we were not alone on this path towards being adoptive parents.

I do think parts of it were challenging for us.  Just getting Nic to sit still, indoors, for 16 hours, and pay attention.  I thought a miracle might have to happen to get that accomplished.  I know by the end of Sunday it was getting to him a bit, but he put 100% into the course and I was proud of him.  It demonstrated to me how dedicated he truly is to this.  Not that I needed that reinforcement, but it was wonderful none the less.  He was a bit nervous when he had to stand up and present some of our groups answers in front of the class.  He had no reason to be nervous because he did a great job and had everyone laughing by the end.

For me it is the opposite.  I feel like I can't shut up!  At the beginning she encouraged us to talk as much as we felt comfortable doing.  Emphasizing that she is going to be evaluating us, and her thoughts, and impressions would be part of our homestudy package.  At the beginning I think that was part of my motivation to speak up.  Especially since it seemed Nic and I were farther along in the process than most people, so I felt I had some valuable information to share.  By the end of the first day, I asked Nic if he thought I was talking too much.  He said no..... I'm not sure if I believe him....  I tried to say less the second day.  But by lunch I had noticed there were lots of people talking as much as I was.  It hit me that my goal throughout this process was to be myself.  I was surrounded by a great group of people, and if my input would help them in some way I was not holding back.  I'm a talker, so kill me!

Overall an amazing two days.  Some of the topics covered: Adoption Legislation, Private, CAS and International adoption processes, loss, attachment, effects of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse on the adopted child, strategies to help abused children, discipline, and positive adoption language.

This week is supposed to be a bit more fun.  We are going to have a number speakers come in.  I am interested to hear their stories.

We both really liked the three trainers, especially Sofie.  We are contemplating a consult with her, for some advice on strategy, once our homestudy is complete. 

The next two days of training are this Saturday and Sunday.  I am relieved to not have to drive in to Toronto on Friday again.  The traffic made travelling a real nightmare.

CAS Beginnings in Ontario

I have to admit that although Nic and I have had good intentions, we are not even close to finishing our pre-reading for our PRIDE training.  With the last minute home inspection and work insane, it just has not been in the cards.  I sat down last night to get started (yeah you heard right, started....).  I am taking notes so I can brief Nic tonight after dinner and tomorrow on the way in to Toronto.  Since it is going to be Friday traffic hell, and we have to take the DVP into downtown, I am sure we will have lots of time.

I am not too concerned, since I know they are going to review all the information again at the training. I just don’t want to be “that guy”, who didn’t do the reading, and has no idea what is going on.

Last night I was reading all about CAS history, and the beginning of fostering and adoption, starting in the late 1800’s.  I thought the start to CAS in Ontario was interesting, so wanted to share.

A man by the name of John Joseph Kelso played a huge part in the cause of abused and neglected children from the start.  In 1887 he founded the first Toronto Humane Society.  The Humane Society had a special police force that “combated cruelty to animals, women, and children, opposed gambling, prostitution, Sabbath breaking, indecent exposure and unlicensed drinking.” It was not until 1891 that it became obvious to Kelso that it would be better for the child protection agenda to be separated from the animal rights movement. 

When I think of the Humane Society today and that it was the start of Ontario’s children’s aid societies, it shows just how far we have come as a society.  Although learning that these early CAS organizations solely focused on neglect, and it was not until the early 1960’s, that child abuse came to the forefront, is a bit scary.  I guess everything has to start somewhere.  But really... the dog pound.....

Mission Accomplished

Our home inspection was finally completed on Sunday.  Our practitioner called on Saturday afternoon to see if we were available the next day.  It made for a bit of a time crunch, but we both wanted to get it done.

Overall I think it went well.  She was only here for an hour, which I was a bit surprised about.  She toured the house, but did not necessarily "inspect" anything, like I thought she would. 

She had given me a list of all the requirements.  The way the form was laid out, I assumed that she had given it to me for reference.  Then when she came for the inspection, she would go through the list and check each requirement to make sure it was completed.  Not so much.... She had me fill it out... She did go over each element that I had checked in the "will comply" column. There were three things.  The rest we either had done, or were not applicable. 

She had brought another questionnaire for us both.  She asked us the questions separately, so I assume, we would answer honestly.  Some of the questions involved spousal abuse, which makes me understand why she would ask us separately. 

She also took a look around outside.  Mainly at the creek, and inside our one garage.  We then had a tea, and about a ten minute discussion, and she left.  Overall she seemed pleased with our place.  She said she really liked the colours I had chosen, and the style.  She also said that we had lots of room for kids.  So I guess that is a good thing.

She mentioned that she did not have our OPP clearances.  It turns out I was supposed to pick them up, which the officer at the detachment did not tell me.  I called this morning and they are both ready.  We will try to pick them up this week. We each have to get in to get our own.  I am going to go tomorrow, hopefully Nic will be able to squeeze it in somewhere.

Friday is our first day of PRIDE training.  I am excited to get it started, and meet other couples going through the same process we are.  I am going to touch base with our practitioner after the sessions and let her know how it went.  I am hoping to get a bit more information out of her then, as to what we still have left to do.

Mini Profile

One evening earlier this week I was looking through some of the adoption links I had saved on my computer.  It had been awhile since I had been on some of the sites and I like to keep up to date on what is going on.  I found a great new feature on the AdoptOntario site. 

This site is a branch of the Adoption Council of Ontario.  The organization that ran the first introductory adoption seminar Nic and I went to.  This site in particular is a tool used by prospective parents, adoption practitioners and social workers to help match children in CAS foster care with forever families. 

Almost two years ago I signed up for the site.  You can enter the age and sex of a child you are looking for and they will bring up some of the children who are adopt ready in the system.  Unfortunately not all children are in the system for prospective parents to see, but they do work hard to keep the program used by practitioners up to date. 

I had forgotten about the site because when I first used it only a child or two were coming up in our age range, most with severe mental or physical disabilities.  This time I recognize the children that came up from The Adoption Resource Exchange we went to in Toronto. 

They now have a great new feature where you can enter a more detailed profile about yourself that practitioners/social workers can see.  You do not have to have your homestudy complete to do it and it is free of charge.  They even have a section where you can select what stage you are at in your homestudy and PRIDE training so that they know where you are in the process.  It is called a mini profile.  Once your homestudy is complete you can update it with your full profile. 

I made some time and sat down to work on our profile.  Nic thinks it is a bit too long to be considered "mini", but I am still happy with how it turned out.  Allot of the profiles I have read online are geared towards birth parents and are a bit breezy and detailed about your past, family life, and plans to raise your child.  Because this is geared for social workers and practitioners I tried to keep it more professional, and less fluffy.  A big thank you goes out to Leslie and her fabulous editing skills.

I am glad I found this tool and am excited to have a profile online.  With a date for our home inspection nowhere in sight (it has been 15 days since I have heard from our practitioner), it felt good to be pro-active and get us out there.  Our pride training starts May 6th, which we are both excited about.  We still have a ton of reading to do before then.  Fingers crossed we find some time for it on Sunday. 

Baby Steps

Late last week I received a call from our practitioner.  She has begun to look through the package I sent her and said everything was looking good.  She was pleased with the list I had prepared of all the local support groups, and thought it was wonderful I had spent so much time looking into it. 

I filled her in on our trip to the Adoption Exchange.  She sounded a bit surprised that we had gone, but was glad it was such a positive experience for us.  She said most people do not re-evaluate the type of child they are interested in until after the PRIDE training.  She felt that our time at the exchange had put us one step ahead in the emotional process.

I felt the conversation went well and that we are still on good terms.  She did not mention the inspection or give me any idea of when she was going to do it.  She said she still needed some time to go through the rest of the paper work I sent her and that she would be "in touch". 

So we are still waiting, but I feel a bit better now that I have spoken to her.  Our first PRIDE session is May 6th, which I cannot believe is coming up so soon.  We are keeping our fingers crossed that the inspection will be complete prior to our last session on May 15th, since this will complete our part of the Homestudy process.

Adoption Resource Exchange Conference

Since I last posted there has not been any progress towards completing our homestudy.  I have been reading a few profiles and letters from other potential adoptive parents, to try to get an idea on format for ours.  But next to that, things have been at a standstill.  In a way this has worked out.  With all the mild weather the phone has been ringing off the hook.  It has given me some time to put 100% into my job and I feel prepared for the upcoming season.

Yesterday Nic and I drove into Toronto to attend the "Adoption Resource Exchange Conference" hosted by the Ministry of Children and Youth Services.  It is a semi-annual event that helps locate and match adoptive families with Ontario children available for adoption within the Children's Aid Society.  Only people who have completed their homestudy are eligible to adopt, but we thought it would be a great learning experience and give us an idea of what to expect when we attended the next one in October.

The Conference was held at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, which is basically at the base of the CN Tower.  We registered when we arrived, and they gave us both bracelets, as well as a welcome package.  The first place we decided to check out was the theatre where they were playing videos of the children available for adoption. 

Our welcome package contained a list of all the children (name, age, gender, and CAS office).  We were both a bit surprised to discover that in all of Ontario the CAS has only 163 children available for adoption. I imagine there are far more children in the foster care system itself, but that CAS is still working with those children's birth families. 

In the short time we were at the conference (a little over two hours) we saw at least 300 people come and go.  Who knows how many people were there throughout the day.  You would think the children available would have a good chance of being adopted with that large a turn out.  When I took a look at the signup sheet there were people on it from Sudbury and Thunder Bay.  Our drive in to Toronto seemed like a small amount to travel in comparison.

There were a wide range of children available.  The youngest was 10 months and the oldest 16 years.  The videos showed the children playing and doing some of their favourite activities.  The videographers would ask the older children questions so you could learn more about their interests.  There was also a narrator who gave a background on the child, as well as information on their personality, health, development, and home/parent desired (by the child and/or CAS).

The videos were amazing! You really got a sense of the child and an idea of their situation.  Most of the children under 2 years old had major health issues, and/or disabilities.  Some of the older children (2-6) were also suffering from mild developmental delays, but many were showing great improvement.  There were many children ages 5-10 who were diagnosed with ADHD.  Which made me realize that I really need to find out more about the condition, and how mild, versus severe cases effect behaviour and health.

We were happy to see a number of sibling groups that CAS was only willing to place together.  There were some that they were willing to separate (which was so sad), but not generally.  These children seemed, for the most part, to have minimal, to no health and developmental issues. 

Nic and I were both surprised to find ourselves really drawn to a couple of sibling groups.  Our favourites were two girls aged 5 and 3.  The older child has some mild developmental issues, but nothing we thought we could not handle.  This sparked a very long discussion, over our late lunch, about what we are willing to "accept" in a child.  We have been told many times, that this will change throughout the adoption process.  Were they ever right!

One of the main reasons we moved on to considering private adoption was because Nic really wanted a child under two.  Surprise, surprise that may not be the case.  On my end of things I was surprised at how okay I was with the idea of adopting two children. There was even a sibling group of three children that I thought were really amazing.  Obviously three kids is not in the cards for us (where would I put them all), but it was great to know that our minds are a bit more open than either of us thought.

After watching an hour of videos, they took a break and Nic and I went to visit all of the individual CAS booths and look around.  From our local area the only division that had children available for adoption is Hastings.  They had four children available (two 7 year olds, one 8 year old, and a 2 year old).  We chatted with the ladies at the booth for awhile.  They actually said that a child currently in their care, is in the process of being placed with a Prince Edward County family.  We asked some questions about the rumoured amalgamation between the Hastings, Quinte and Prince Edward County CAS divisions.  She said that it will be going through, and that April 2012 is the deadline for the transition to be completed.  Each area will still have a local office, but they will all work together.  She confirmed that neither of the other divisions currently have any children available for adoption.

We also spent some time and went through a binder containing all the children's profiles.  We knew we would not see all the videos so thought this would be a good way to check out all the children.  We then visited the booths of the divisions who had children we were interested in to find out more information.

We treated this day as information gathering only.  We did take home a couple profiles to discuss further, but since we do not have our homestudy complete, even if we wanted to look further into a child, it would not be possible at this time.  When we go in October that will be an option.  In our welcome package there was a green form titled "Child Response Form".  If you were interested in any of the children, you completed the form and returned it to the child's agency.  This would get your adoption ball rolling.  I will tell you, Nic and I saw allot of green forms being filled out. 

Overall the day was a wonderful success for us.  Not only did we broaden our horizons, but we learned allot, and had fun.  Nic had worried that the day would be really emotional for me.  It was emotional, but not sad.  It actually solidified for me that there is a child (or children) out there for us.  It was great to know that if private does not work out, there are children in the CAS system that would make amazing additions to our family.  We understand that there are different obstacles and challenges with children that have been in the system.  We are planning on doing some research, to find out more about the specific delays and disorders we found most common.  There are so many degrees of each issue, we want to determine what we think we can, and can't handle.

On my agenda for today is to compose an e-mail to our practitioner.  It has been two and a half weeks since the home inspection was cancelled.  I want to tell her about yesterday and to see if she got my package with all our information.  Fingers crossed she can give me an idea of when she might be able to start back up with us.