Wednesday, January 18, 2012

On Pins and Needles

Not counting today we are 12 days from our birth mother's due date.  I just got off the phone with her Mom and I think we are both getting more anxious as the date gets closer.  I don't think it helps that everyone keeps telling us that because she is young she could go really early or really late.  The idea that we could have a baby today or on February 15th is a bit difficult to take but I guess that is the way these things go. 

We are heading up to Newmarket on Friday for another OB appointment.  The doctor is off next week so this will be the last scheduled appointment before her due date.  He said at the last appointment that he would do an exam this time to try to determine the position of the babies head, which will hopefully give us some idea when she might be making an appearance.  We did not go to the last appointment but the birth grandmother said he was really happy with how everything was going.  He said the ultrasound results looked good and there was nothing he saw that concerned him.  The baby is still measuring a bit small.  He is not too concerned about this either because he thinks her due date could be a bit early.  Great more waiting :(.  Either way hopefully he will be able to tell us more on Friday.

Next to waiting there is not a whole lot going on.  Nic and I are as ready for the baby as we are going to be.  I do find as we get closer I worry less about us and more about our birth mother.  She is still deciding how much or how little time she wants to spend with the baby in the hospital.  We have told her a million times that we are hoping she will choose to spend some time with the baby and that it will not hurt our feelings in any way.  I honestly think that she is just not sure how she is going to feel or what she is going to want to do.  She by no means has to decide now (which I also feel like we have told her a million times).  The only set plan is for her to go to the hospital and have the baby.  Nic and I will be at the hospital but in what capacity is her decision and can be made whenever. She knows for sure that she does not want to take care of the baby at the hospital.  So we will be doing that for sure, but everything else is kind of up in the air which we are okay with.

One thing that I never really expected about our adoption experience is how much concern I would have for our birth mother.  I guess throughout the homestudy process I was so worried that we would never get chosen that I could not really see past that.  Now that we know this wonderful young girl, I can't stop thinking about how all of this will effect her.  I do tend to care more about others than I do myself and in this case it is totally heart wrenching.  I am so torn between being happy about our new baby and feeling so sad for how her first mother will feel.  Anyone who says adoption is easy (you don't have to carry a baby for 9 months, you don't have to give birth, etc.) is absolutely WRONG!  It really does put you through the emotional wringer. 

I am looking forward to seeing the birth family on Friday.  It has been over two weeks since we saw them last and I find I always feel better when we are all together.  We have been talking pretty much every other day but it is just not the same.  I will try to post over the weekend and let everyone know how the appointment went on Friday.

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