Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I'm okay with being an oak tree. Why all of a sudden do I want to be a shrub?

My cousin Adam and I have been working to put together a password protected website or blog for our birth family for after the baby is born.  The site/blog will allow me to post updates and pictures of the baby and the birth family can check in on us when and if they want to. 

I have been having a hard time deciding on a title for the blog.  I have no idea why?  My creative mind seems to still be on Christmas vacation or my complete lack of sleep has forced it into hibernation.  Either way I have been getting no where.  So today I visited one of my favourite adoption blogs Production, Not Reproduction.  The author is very active in the open adoption blogger community and always has interesting blogs included in her posts.  I was hoping looking at some of the titles would help inspire me.

At the very top of her blog I saw she had listed 2011 Best of Open Adoption BlogsOut of curiosity I read some of the posts listed.  One post written by Alissa at Not a Visitor I wanted to share.  Well really it is a quote in her post.  She heard it at an adoption training seminar she recently attended.

"When you have a biological child, it's like you are an oak tree and you know that your child will also be an oak tree. There are still hundreds of variables, but you know that at least you're getting an oak tree. When you adopt, you have no idea what kind of tree you're getting - it'll still be a tree, but it could be a pine tree or a shrub, it could be a maple or a redwood. So you have to be prepared for that - for any kind of tree."

The reason I wanted to share the quote was because of a conversation I recently had with my aunt Gisa.  Any of you who know my aunt know that she is a beautiful women with olive skin and dark hair.  Her appearance very much reflects her Italian heritage which I think lately I have a been a bit jealous of. 

We were talking about the baby's name and how Nic and I were trying to pick a name that would reflect our child's appearance.  My aunt's response was "What I don't look like a Lucy" .  My answer "No, no you don't". 

I haven't been able to get the conversation out my head and I could not figure out why.  I mean both Nic and I are completely aware that our child will more than likely not resemble us as far as looks go and have absolutely no problem with that.  I love the fact that as our child grows they will have close family that look like them and that hopefully it will help them form their identity.

When I read the quote above I guess it just made me realize that it's not so much that I want my child to be an oak tree but that I wish I was more of a shrub.  My child and I will share heritage in that we both have Italian lineage but where more than likely her heritage will show in her appearance, mine does not.  I guess I am nervous that she might feel more connected to our family members that look like her than to ones who don't.  Specifically me....

I will tell you something about the adoption process.  I have said it a million times and I will probably say it a million more.  I constantly feel like I am learning, growing and changing.  I think right now I am just worried about five million things, which I am sure all new parents are if they adopt or not.  My insecurities about how I look are just part of this process.  I of course know they are silly and that my child will love me for who I am.  It is just so easy to over analyze everything when you have so many unknowns. 

Although I am sure that Alissa will never read my blog I would like to thank her for her post.  Her thoughts and feelings have helped me work out some of my own, which hopefully will make me a better rounded adoptive mother.

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