Adoption Profile

Last week, the time finally came for us to start putting together all the pieces of our profile.  The profile is a very important part of the adoption process, because it is what birth parents use to determine if they think you are right for their child.  No pressure there at all...

We have done allot of paperwork throughout this process, and I have to say this is by far the most difficult.  Not only do we have to decide on a format, input pictures, determine appropriate backgrounds, and write the content, but we have to put it all together.  Ourselves....  For some who are pros on a computer, this might not be a daunting task.  For me it seems downright impossible.  I have an idea of how I want everything to look, actually making it happen turns out to be a bit complicated.  I had to enlist the help of Leslie, yet again, to get everything together.  She was of course marvellous, and an amazing help.

Nic and I took the rough draft to a meeting on Monday we had with the women who facilitated our PRIDE training.  She is also a practitioner and we thought she would be a great source of information.  She said overall our profile looks great, but we were missing a few things.  She said we should add in a section on our views on parenting.  We had mentioned a bit about what we wanted to do with our children, and how family life would be, but not necessarily our values, how we would discipline them, or educate them.  So we have to work on that.  Because I feel like it is already kind of long, I am going to try to minimize some of the other sections to make room for this. 

She also said that one of the agencies she recommends we sign up with, receives some donation money from the church.  Because of that she figures they will want us to talk a bit about religion.  Nothing in depth, but at least what denomination we are both baptised.  Because we are both non-practicing I had not included it at all.  So I may just add it in so that the information is there. 

After spending almost every waking hour on the profile last week, I am taking a bit of a break from it this week.  I will get back to it again on Friday or the weekend.  Since some of what I have to change is context I wanted to have fresh eyes.

I will be sending e-mails out shortly with specifics about pictures contained in the profile.  It is of course full of family and friends.  I want to make sure that everyone who is in it, is okay with that.  No names are mentioned at all, just what your relationship is to us.  But there will eventually be parts of it posted on the internet, so I thought better to check now than to have to change pictures around later.  It already seems like we have to do everything a million times over, so why create more work for myself.

At our Monday meeting she also gave us an idea of some agencies to put our profile with.  She said it sometimes takes up to two months to get appointments with these agencies.  EEK! So I am going to try and get an idea of when our homestudy will be completed.  We need to have it in hand for the actually meeting, but not to schedule the appointment.   So if I know when it will be done I can start making some calls.  Wish me luck with that!

In general everything seems to be moving forward.  There is still lots to do, but that is okay.  It feels good to be being productive.  Once our homestudy is completed we will be ready to go!  It is exciting to be nearing the end of the approval process.  At least if we have to wait a bit to get into the agencies, we can get our profile up online, as a start. It sounds like our age will be an advantage, which is great.  For once being young is not a hindrance!

PRIDE Training - Day 3 & 4

This weekend Nic and I drove back into Toronto for our last two days of PRIDE training.  The sessions were held on Saturday and Sunday this week which made traffic allot better. It was another day and a half, jam packed with information and emotion.  Our trainers comment that this weekend would be more "fun", might have been a bit of an over estimation, but the material was a bit lighter. 

Saturday we focused on covering the material left in our binders, and Sunday was mainly for speakers.  The speakers were AMAZING.  One was an older international adoptee, another a domestic adoptee and adoptive mother, the other a domestic adoptee and birth mother, and finally a couple who were adoptive parents.  They provided us with a real spectrum of information.  I felt some of their answers to our questions (especially those from the couple who are adoptive parents), helped me to form answers, to questions that were still swimming around in my head.

I cannot get over how much Nic and I have learned in the past five months and how much our opinions have changed.  I still remember the devastation when I found out we would not be accepted into the Honduras adoption program.  I do think everything in this process has happened for a reason, to get us to this point.  A bit hokey I know, and painful at times, but the truth!  We could not feel more confident in the decisions we have made and the path we are going to choose.

PRIDE training in a nut shell was AMAZING!  We got so much out of it, and I am pleased it is mandatory for all adoptive parents.  It should be mandatory for all parents.  I think we lucked out, in that we chose amazing trainers, and our group was filled with exceptional people!  I do wonder if everyone is so fortunate?  One member collected all of our e-mail addresses so we can keep in touch.  I am certain these people will be an incredible source of friendship, and support as we continue down our adoption road.

I can't believe I am saying this but we are nearing the end of the homestudy process.  We still have to complete the PRIDE Connections exercises for our practitioner.  Emma is also due for her vaccinations, so I need to get her in ASAP, and get a new certificate to our practitioner. I am hoping the vet can get us in today.  We also need to complete our "what we will accept in a child" form again.  I am hoping to pick it up later in the week when I drop off our excercises. 

Once our Practitioner has all of that in her hands she will put together a rough draft of our homestudy for us to look at. She said she does have one couple in front of us, who she is fast tracking because they are adopting a number of children.  She made it sound like she could still meet next week. 

My big project is our profile.  For not the first time, I wish my computer skills were a bit better.  My goal is to have a rough draft put together by the end of the weekend.  If the yucky weather keeps up like it is supposed to, I don't see this being an out of reach goal.  It is allot to do, and think about, but I am up for the challenge. 

We are both excited about being at the end of this part of our journey.  Now everyone has to keep their fingers crossed our practitioner gets her part done.  In February when we got started, Nic and I hoped to have the homestudy complete by June 1st.  I will be satisfied if it is in my hands by June 15th.  Finger Crossed!

PRIDE Training - Day 1 & 2

Two days down and two to go! 

I think I can speak for both Nic and I when I say that PRIDE training was not what we thought it would be.  Throughout this process we both have felt like we have been made to jump through some unnecessary hoops.  On our way into Toronto at 4:45am on Friday (to avoid morning traffic), we both discussed that this was yet another hoop.  Was it really necessary for us to complete a training course, and a 27 hour one at that? Don't get me wrong, we are both willing to do anything to adopt.  We just thought this was maybe a bit much.

We were wrong...  This may be one of the first requirements in our Homestudy that actually makes sense (next to having to give references).  The material was all relevant and sparked some great questions and soul searching.  The material is there to inform prospective parents, and maybe scare off some that are not in it for the right reasons.  Our trainer Sofie Stergianis (and her co-trainers), present the information in a way that makes it interesting.  She has supplemented some of the required material, with her own, that she felt was important.  As a private practitioner, and a adoptive mother, she provided some true stories that solidified the information we were learning about. 

At times, the good, the bad and the ugly, were a bit heavy.  But we came away from the two days, happy for having known about it.  We did a number of group exercises, which allowed us to hear about other people's feelings, and experiences.  We met some truly amazing people, who I know we will keep in contact with.  It was amazing listening to people talk and think, that is exactly how I feel.  In allot of ways it was refreshing to learn we were not alone on this path towards being adoptive parents.

I do think parts of it were challenging for us.  Just getting Nic to sit still, indoors, for 16 hours, and pay attention.  I thought a miracle might have to happen to get that accomplished.  I know by the end of Sunday it was getting to him a bit, but he put 100% into the course and I was proud of him.  It demonstrated to me how dedicated he truly is to this.  Not that I needed that reinforcement, but it was wonderful none the less.  He was a bit nervous when he had to stand up and present some of our groups answers in front of the class.  He had no reason to be nervous because he did a great job and had everyone laughing by the end.

For me it is the opposite.  I feel like I can't shut up!  At the beginning she encouraged us to talk as much as we felt comfortable doing.  Emphasizing that she is going to be evaluating us, and her thoughts, and impressions would be part of our homestudy package.  At the beginning I think that was part of my motivation to speak up.  Especially since it seemed Nic and I were farther along in the process than most people, so I felt I had some valuable information to share.  By the end of the first day, I asked Nic if he thought I was talking too much.  He said no..... I'm not sure if I believe him....  I tried to say less the second day.  But by lunch I had noticed there were lots of people talking as much as I was.  It hit me that my goal throughout this process was to be myself.  I was surrounded by a great group of people, and if my input would help them in some way I was not holding back.  I'm a talker, so kill me!

Overall an amazing two days.  Some of the topics covered: Adoption Legislation, Private, CAS and International adoption processes, loss, attachment, effects of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse on the adopted child, strategies to help abused children, discipline, and positive adoption language.

This week is supposed to be a bit more fun.  We are going to have a number speakers come in.  I am interested to hear their stories.

We both really liked the three trainers, especially Sofie.  We are contemplating a consult with her, for some advice on strategy, once our homestudy is complete. 

The next two days of training are this Saturday and Sunday.  I am relieved to not have to drive in to Toronto on Friday again.  The traffic made travelling a real nightmare.

CAS Beginnings in Ontario

I have to admit that although Nic and I have had good intentions, we are not even close to finishing our pre-reading for our PRIDE training.  With the last minute home inspection and work insane, it just has not been in the cards.  I sat down last night to get started (yeah you heard right, started....).  I am taking notes so I can brief Nic tonight after dinner and tomorrow on the way in to Toronto.  Since it is going to be Friday traffic hell, and we have to take the DVP into downtown, I am sure we will have lots of time.

I am not too concerned, since I know they are going to review all the information again at the training. I just don’t want to be “that guy”, who didn’t do the reading, and has no idea what is going on.

Last night I was reading all about CAS history, and the beginning of fostering and adoption, starting in the late 1800’s.  I thought the start to CAS in Ontario was interesting, so wanted to share.

A man by the name of John Joseph Kelso played a huge part in the cause of abused and neglected children from the start.  In 1887 he founded the first Toronto Humane Society.  The Humane Society had a special police force that “combated cruelty to animals, women, and children, opposed gambling, prostitution, Sabbath breaking, indecent exposure and unlicensed drinking.” It was not until 1891 that it became obvious to Kelso that it would be better for the child protection agenda to be separated from the animal rights movement. 

When I think of the Humane Society today and that it was the start of Ontario’s children’s aid societies, it shows just how far we have come as a society.  Although learning that these early CAS organizations solely focused on neglect, and it was not until the early 1960’s, that child abuse came to the forefront, is a bit scary.  I guess everything has to start somewhere.  But really... the dog pound.....

Mission Accomplished

Our home inspection was finally completed on Sunday.  Our practitioner called on Saturday afternoon to see if we were available the next day.  It made for a bit of a time crunch, but we both wanted to get it done.

Overall I think it went well.  She was only here for an hour, which I was a bit surprised about.  She toured the house, but did not necessarily "inspect" anything, like I thought she would. 

She had given me a list of all the requirements.  The way the form was laid out, I assumed that she had given it to me for reference.  Then when she came for the inspection, she would go through the list and check each requirement to make sure it was completed.  Not so much.... She had me fill it out... She did go over each element that I had checked in the "will comply" column. There were three things.  The rest we either had done, or were not applicable. 

She had brought another questionnaire for us both.  She asked us the questions separately, so I assume, we would answer honestly.  Some of the questions involved spousal abuse, which makes me understand why she would ask us separately. 

She also took a look around outside.  Mainly at the creek, and inside our one garage.  We then had a tea, and about a ten minute discussion, and she left.  Overall she seemed pleased with our place.  She said she really liked the colours I had chosen, and the style.  She also said that we had lots of room for kids.  So I guess that is a good thing.

She mentioned that she did not have our OPP clearances.  It turns out I was supposed to pick them up, which the officer at the detachment did not tell me.  I called this morning and they are both ready.  We will try to pick them up this week. We each have to get in to get our own.  I am going to go tomorrow, hopefully Nic will be able to squeeze it in somewhere.

Friday is our first day of PRIDE training.  I am excited to get it started, and meet other couples going through the same process we are.  I am going to touch base with our practitioner after the sessions and let her know how it went.  I am hoping to get a bit more information out of her then, as to what we still have left to do.