There has been lots going on at our house in preparation for our home inspection. There were some child safety issues we were non-compliant with and we also had to construct our fire escape plan. Because we live in a bungalow the escape plan was not difficult to figure out. But the house drawing showing all of our fire exits was a bit time consuming. We did not feel too pressured to have every child safety element completed. They will conduct another home inspection prior to a child being placed with us. Since this could take years, we know we have lots of time to get everything done. But we did do most of it since our busy season is coming up and we had a bit of time now.
The home inspection was scheduled to take place this past Thursday. Unfortunately this did not happen. Our practitioner called Thursday morning and said she was not coming. To say I am disappointed with the way she handled the situation would be an understatement. She gave a number of reasons why she could not come. She said she wanted to review our questionnaire's before hand so we could discuss them after the inspection. She also thought I would pressure her about getting the results of the inspection immediately after she had visited us, and she would not have time to complete them right away. She kept saying that I had been putting pressure on her and that she needed more time.
This was all a bit confusing for me for a number of reasons. Nic and I had discussed with her at our initial meeting that our busy season started the beginning of April and we would love to have as much done as we could before then. Since that first appointment we had not discussed it further. We have been doing what she has asked of us, and I thought going at the pace she set. She suggested the time frame for the home inspection, not me, and she called me at 7pm on Wednesday to confirm the time for the next day. We had completed the questionnaires over a week before and she had not mentioned that she wanted them before hand. Also, our PRIDE training is schedule for the first and second weekend in May. Once it is completed the trainers from that course have to write up an evaluation of us. I assumed we would (at the earliest) have their write up the end of May. This would give her two months to do her part of things pertaining to our home inspection.
I realize now that she was not ready to come on Thursday. Instead of just saying that, she put it on me. I know that I would have been disappointed no matter what, that she was not coming. We had worked for weeks getting the house ready. Unfortunately the way she handled it did upset me, making me feel that I had done something terribly wrong.
A friend reminded me that I am a "doer". When someone gives me a task, I do it. I am organized and I like to have all my ducks in a row. I should not have to apologize for it, personality clashes happen. This of course is easier said than done.
We left it that I would put all of the information I had together (my medical, our financial information, the dogs vaccinations, the questionnaires, our well report, copies of our driver's licenses, and my list of local mother's support groups) in the mail to her. She could go over it at her leisure and contact me when she had some time, and was ready to do the home inspection. I also apologized for making her feel pressured, it was not intentional. This process is the most important thing in the world to us, and it will take, as long as it has to take.
I am working very hard to think of this situation as water under the bridge. We really want to have a good working relationship with this women. I guess only time will tell how it all pans out.
So at the moment the time frame for our home inspection is up in the air. I am going to leave it up to her and in the meantime concentrate on work. With the sun shining everyone is eager to get there excavation work started. Hopefully the temperature will go up a bit and I can get started cleaning up the gardens also. There is always something to be done around here to keep me busy.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
My Big, Black, Four Legged Baby
The search continues for a decent picture of Jessie for our profile. I have a few pictures of her and Emma that are good.
In all the ones I have of her by herself she looks a bit evil.
Even her halloween costume does not seem to help.
She really is a lover not a fighter. I swear! I wish she was as easy to photograph as Emma.
I will have to keep looking.... I am only half way through my pictures. Although I have a feeling a photo shoot when the weather warms up might be a good idea.
Next to looking through photo's I also completed my financial work up on Monday. A big thank you goes out to Donna at Welch Chartered Accounts for squeezing me in during tax season and helping me untangle our personal and business finances. I could have never done it without her!
Today I am making appointments for us to go to Kingston to have our fingerprinting done for our RCMP check and in Picton at the OPP office for our criminal checks. Hopefully we will be able to get them done soon since I should have them done prior to the home inspection and Josie would like to do it next week if at all possible.
I picked up the PRIDE binder when we were in Toronto on Tuesday. I have only skimmed over it so far, and all I can say is that it is big. So we have lots of reading to do. Especially since three books also showed up from Amazon yesterday that are on our suggested reading list. Binders first, books second. I am going to be an encyclopaedia of adoption information.
P.S. Just for kicks I thought I would post the below picture of Emma. It was taken the day after she showed up as a stray, after her first bath. What a difference from her current fat body. Poor little girl :(. No wonder I had to keep her.
In all the ones I have of her by herself she looks a bit evil.
Even her halloween costume does not seem to help.
I will have to keep looking.... I am only half way through my pictures. Although I have a feeling a photo shoot when the weather warms up might be a good idea.
Next to looking through photo's I also completed my financial work up on Monday. A big thank you goes out to Donna at Welch Chartered Accounts for squeezing me in during tax season and helping me untangle our personal and business finances. I could have never done it without her!
Today I am making appointments for us to go to Kingston to have our fingerprinting done for our RCMP check and in Picton at the OPP office for our criminal checks. Hopefully we will be able to get them done soon since I should have them done prior to the home inspection and Josie would like to do it next week if at all possible.
I picked up the PRIDE binder when we were in Toronto on Tuesday. I have only skimmed over it so far, and all I can say is that it is big. So we have lots of reading to do. Especially since three books also showed up from Amazon yesterday that are on our suggested reading list. Binders first, books second. I am going to be an encyclopaedia of adoption information.
P.S. Just for kicks I thought I would post the below picture of Emma. It was taken the day after she showed up as a stray, after her first bath. What a difference from her current fat body. Poor little girl :(. No wonder I had to keep her.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
"Spoiled Is For Fruit"
We have begun to tackle our binder full or articles. We cuddled up together earlier in the week and I read them out loud. At first I felt a bit like an elementary school teacher but by the end was quite happy with our system. Reading out load forced me to concentrate more on what I was reading, and we would discuss each article at the end, which further implanted the information. It is not like we are going to be tested on this material but it is important and we enjoyed discussing it together.
The articles cover a broad spectrum of topics. Some of the titles are: The Development of Romanian Orphanage Children Adopted to Canada, Attachment - What it is and Why it is Important, The Adoption Revolution, and Real Children - Shattered Dreams. The article on attachment hit home for us in allot of ways. The author wrote about how even children adopted at birth can have issues attaching to adoptive parents. She had important points to remember when parenting. Some of them seem simple (make eye contact, be predictable) while others could be difficult (be emotionally available, routines and more routines, follow your child's lead). One of my favourites was about spoiling your child. One sentence made so much sense. "Meeting your child's needs within a relationship does not lead to spoiling!" They of course are talking about spoiling your child with love and attention, which Nic and I whole heartedly believe in. Even if we were contemplating the "cry it out" or "self sooth" method of parenting, we would be putting it aside in favour of "attachment parenting" for our adopted child. Potential babysitters be warned :).
Aside from doing lots of reading we are also working on a number of other things. Nic got started on his questionnaire and I got started on our financial work up. I also made a list of all the items we need to pick up for our home inspection. Although we are not required to meet all of our safety requirements right now, we do plan on doing most of them. It just seems easier to have it done and not worry about it. There may still be a few we will wait on (eg. gating the corn stove), but others like covering electrical sockets, getting a new fire extinguisher and securing floor mats, can easily be done now. I feel like it is better to have as much done as possible. That way we don't have it on our minds during the busy work season, which is quickly approaching.
We will be in Toronto on Tuesday for an equipment auction. While there we are going to pick up another binder of reading material from the lady who is instructing our PRIDE training. She e-mailed this week to say that because the sessions were so short (I wouldn't consider 27 hours short, but okay) we would need to do some reading before hand. She said she would ship the binder if we wanted but we figured it would be easier to just pick it up. So we have motivation to finish our current binder with the new one on its way.
We also both have our physicals scheduled. Nic's is on March 11th and mine is on the 15th. Fingers crossed that shortly after they are done Josefina will have some time to get to us. It is great that she is finalizing two adoptions but I am selfishly still hoping she will be able to do the home visit by mid March. Fingers Crossed!
The articles cover a broad spectrum of topics. Some of the titles are: The Development of Romanian Orphanage Children Adopted to Canada, Attachment - What it is and Why it is Important, The Adoption Revolution, and Real Children - Shattered Dreams. The article on attachment hit home for us in allot of ways. The author wrote about how even children adopted at birth can have issues attaching to adoptive parents. She had important points to remember when parenting. Some of them seem simple (make eye contact, be predictable) while others could be difficult (be emotionally available, routines and more routines, follow your child's lead). One of my favourites was about spoiling your child. One sentence made so much sense. "Meeting your child's needs within a relationship does not lead to spoiling!" They of course are talking about spoiling your child with love and attention, which Nic and I whole heartedly believe in. Even if we were contemplating the "cry it out" or "self sooth" method of parenting, we would be putting it aside in favour of "attachment parenting" for our adopted child. Potential babysitters be warned :).
Aside from doing lots of reading we are also working on a number of other things. Nic got started on his questionnaire and I got started on our financial work up. I also made a list of all the items we need to pick up for our home inspection. Although we are not required to meet all of our safety requirements right now, we do plan on doing most of them. It just seems easier to have it done and not worry about it. There may still be a few we will wait on (eg. gating the corn stove), but others like covering electrical sockets, getting a new fire extinguisher and securing floor mats, can easily be done now. I feel like it is better to have as much done as possible. That way we don't have it on our minds during the busy work season, which is quickly approaching.
We will be in Toronto on Tuesday for an equipment auction. While there we are going to pick up another binder of reading material from the lady who is instructing our PRIDE training. She e-mailed this week to say that because the sessions were so short (I wouldn't consider 27 hours short, but okay) we would need to do some reading before hand. She said she would ship the binder if we wanted but we figured it would be easier to just pick it up. So we have motivation to finish our current binder with the new one on its way.
We also both have our physicals scheduled. Nic's is on March 11th and mine is on the 15th. Fingers crossed that shortly after they are done Josefina will have some time to get to us. It is great that she is finalizing two adoptions but I am selfishly still hoping she will be able to do the home visit by mid March. Fingers Crossed!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Homestudy - What we have accomplished so far
The Homestudy seems to be one of the most important parts of the adoption "certification" process. It can also be the most time consuming since it requires allot of thought, energy and paperwork. When I say paperwork, I mean paperwork! Lots of it! Good thing I am organized and don't mind dealing with forms and people, or this process could be very painful.
We first met with our Private Adoption Practitioner, Josefina Campbell, on Monday February 21st (family day - how suitable). She is originally from Venezuela, but has lived in Canada for most of her life. She has been in the adoption industry for over 30 years and has worked for CAS, as well as privately. We got to know each other and she showed us lots of pictures of families that she has helped bring together. She also laid out the process a bit for us and gave us an idea of timeline. Some of the time variables do depend on how quickly we get things done, but right now we are aiming for late May early June to have everything completed.
She gave us a number of handouts including our references form, two sections of the application, two different memorandums regarding the Ministry of Child and Youth Services role in finalizing adoptions in Ontario or in a child's country of origin (internationally) and the first section of our SAFE Questionnaire. Considering we thought we were just testing the water to see if we liked this women, we were both a bit surprised with the amount of paperwork. But we were both very excited to be getting started.
We also discussed the schedule for PRIDE training. Nic and I had chosen a few different sessions that would fit into our schedule and she had a couple suggestions. She knows some of the trainers and thought it might be good for us to got with one she knew and trusted. They are held in either Pickering, Toronto, Burlington, or London. We were hoping to stay as close to home as possible but ended up deciding on a session held in Toronto on May 6, 7, 14, and 15.
So after two hours she sent us on our way with a huge pile of paper and some homework. She wanted us to fill out the two questionnaire's, read and sign the memorandums and get our references in order. She also needed photocopies of our birth certificates and marriage license. As well as a list of our doctor's with their corresponding contact information. She said I could drop it off to her when I had it done and we would set up another appointment then.
Me being who I am, I had everything done the next day and spent Wednesday morning going over the questionnaire with Nic. It was long but mainly involved checking boxes, versus writing so we got through it easily. It did have allot of in depth questions about our families, how we were raised, our current relationship, the roles we play, and our values. Most of it was to be expected although I was a bit surprised when it asked "How sexually compatible are you and your spouse/partner?". The boxes you had to check read: very compatible, compatible, somewhat compatible, not very compatible, and incompatible. Really? What does this have to do with us as parents? I have no idea but we answered anyway. I will leave you guessing as to which one I chose :).
I dropped everything off to Josefina on Wednesday the 23rd and she gave me another huge bunch of paperwork to take home, including a 3" binder full of articles to read. She suggested I put it beside the toilet to motivate Nic to read it. He He He (I thought that was so funny, but also a good idea). She also gave me a list of suggested books to read and the second section of our SAFE Questionnaire. When Nic and I finished his first section he said how easy it was and as long as they were not asking him to answer short answer questions this would be a breeze. We all know how great his penmanship is. Thanks to him part two is ten pages (double sided) of short answer questions. He just couldn't keep his mouth shut could he. I have a feeling this section will take a bit longer than the first. She said not to rush through it, that we did not need to have it done for our next meeting.
We met again yesterday to go over our contract, watch a couple movies and give her the retainer cheque. Everything went really well. I was a bit nervous about signing a contract since everyone keeps telling me to make sure not to get tied down to one person. That more people you can afford to talk to the better. But the contract did not involve anything like that. It was just for us to agree to her fees and allow her to talk with a few people on our behalf. So we signed our life away and officially started the homestudy journey.
The two movies we watched we short but heavy. One was in the perspective of a newborn baby and the other was in the perspective of an older child who has lived in a number of homes. It was meant to give us an idea of how these children will potentially be feeling when they come into our home. The first one focused on openness in adoption and how a child will be curious about their birth family. The second one was about traumas a child can go through without anyone knowing and how bad behaviours can be them trying to express their feelings. It also touched on the attachment issue so common with older adopted children.
After we did all that it was time for more paperwork. She said the next time we will meet will be our home visit. She wants to go over the house with her white gloves to check for dust. No, just kidding. It is mainly for a safety check and to see us in our home environment. She will make a list of changes that will need to be made prior to a child being put in our home. These do not have to happen right away. She will re-check the house prior to a child being put with us. We will also discuss our backgrounds and family more in depth.
She is currently dealing with two children being placed so we can not do the home visit for two weeks (mid March sometime). I am not really upset about that since I think it will take me that long to do all the paperwork and get my house in order. We have to have the second section of the questionnaire done as well as our medicals done (if we can get into our doctors), OPP clearances for all the places we have lived since we turned 18, an RCMP clearance, I have to get proof from the vet that the dogs shots are up to date, and fill out a long financial form. The financials would be no big deal if we did not have a business, but because of that I think I am going to have to do some of it with my accountant. So all of this is going to take time.
She also wants me to look into local children's programs and new mother's groups so I can show the type of resources I have at my disposal. I have no idea about this off hand so I will be calling around trying to find out about this. I know Kaissy and I were just discussing one in Picton, so Kaiss expect me to be calling you. She did seem really impressed that we had a park within walking distance. One point for Hillier!
So there has been lots going on and we are both still feeling really good about the process. There is lots to do but neither of us mind, it is making us feel very productive. The questionnaire and movies have also sparked some conversation and are causing our views on adoption to change and develop. Josefina keeps saying that we will both grow through the process and we are already starting to see that happen. We are trying very hard to keep an open mind and learn as much as possible. We figure the more informed we are the better.
We first met with our Private Adoption Practitioner, Josefina Campbell, on Monday February 21st (family day - how suitable). She is originally from Venezuela, but has lived in Canada for most of her life. She has been in the adoption industry for over 30 years and has worked for CAS, as well as privately. We got to know each other and she showed us lots of pictures of families that she has helped bring together. She also laid out the process a bit for us and gave us an idea of timeline. Some of the time variables do depend on how quickly we get things done, but right now we are aiming for late May early June to have everything completed.
She gave us a number of handouts including our references form, two sections of the application, two different memorandums regarding the Ministry of Child and Youth Services role in finalizing adoptions in Ontario or in a child's country of origin (internationally) and the first section of our SAFE Questionnaire. Considering we thought we were just testing the water to see if we liked this women, we were both a bit surprised with the amount of paperwork. But we were both very excited to be getting started.
We also discussed the schedule for PRIDE training. Nic and I had chosen a few different sessions that would fit into our schedule and she had a couple suggestions. She knows some of the trainers and thought it might be good for us to got with one she knew and trusted. They are held in either Pickering, Toronto, Burlington, or London. We were hoping to stay as close to home as possible but ended up deciding on a session held in Toronto on May 6, 7, 14, and 15.
So after two hours she sent us on our way with a huge pile of paper and some homework. She wanted us to fill out the two questionnaire's, read and sign the memorandums and get our references in order. She also needed photocopies of our birth certificates and marriage license. As well as a list of our doctor's with their corresponding contact information. She said I could drop it off to her when I had it done and we would set up another appointment then.
Me being who I am, I had everything done the next day and spent Wednesday morning going over the questionnaire with Nic. It was long but mainly involved checking boxes, versus writing so we got through it easily. It did have allot of in depth questions about our families, how we were raised, our current relationship, the roles we play, and our values. Most of it was to be expected although I was a bit surprised when it asked "How sexually compatible are you and your spouse/partner?". The boxes you had to check read: very compatible, compatible, somewhat compatible, not very compatible, and incompatible. Really? What does this have to do with us as parents? I have no idea but we answered anyway. I will leave you guessing as to which one I chose :).
I dropped everything off to Josefina on Wednesday the 23rd and she gave me another huge bunch of paperwork to take home, including a 3" binder full of articles to read. She suggested I put it beside the toilet to motivate Nic to read it. He He He (I thought that was so funny, but also a good idea). She also gave me a list of suggested books to read and the second section of our SAFE Questionnaire. When Nic and I finished his first section he said how easy it was and as long as they were not asking him to answer short answer questions this would be a breeze. We all know how great his penmanship is. Thanks to him part two is ten pages (double sided) of short answer questions. He just couldn't keep his mouth shut could he. I have a feeling this section will take a bit longer than the first. She said not to rush through it, that we did not need to have it done for our next meeting.
We met again yesterday to go over our contract, watch a couple movies and give her the retainer cheque. Everything went really well. I was a bit nervous about signing a contract since everyone keeps telling me to make sure not to get tied down to one person. That more people you can afford to talk to the better. But the contract did not involve anything like that. It was just for us to agree to her fees and allow her to talk with a few people on our behalf. So we signed our life away and officially started the homestudy journey.
The two movies we watched we short but heavy. One was in the perspective of a newborn baby and the other was in the perspective of an older child who has lived in a number of homes. It was meant to give us an idea of how these children will potentially be feeling when they come into our home. The first one focused on openness in adoption and how a child will be curious about their birth family. The second one was about traumas a child can go through without anyone knowing and how bad behaviours can be them trying to express their feelings. It also touched on the attachment issue so common with older adopted children.
After we did all that it was time for more paperwork. She said the next time we will meet will be our home visit. She wants to go over the house with her white gloves to check for dust. No, just kidding. It is mainly for a safety check and to see us in our home environment. She will make a list of changes that will need to be made prior to a child being put in our home. These do not have to happen right away. She will re-check the house prior to a child being put with us. We will also discuss our backgrounds and family more in depth.
She is currently dealing with two children being placed so we can not do the home visit for two weeks (mid March sometime). I am not really upset about that since I think it will take me that long to do all the paperwork and get my house in order. We have to have the second section of the questionnaire done as well as our medicals done (if we can get into our doctors), OPP clearances for all the places we have lived since we turned 18, an RCMP clearance, I have to get proof from the vet that the dogs shots are up to date, and fill out a long financial form. The financials would be no big deal if we did not have a business, but because of that I think I am going to have to do some of it with my accountant. So all of this is going to take time.
She also wants me to look into local children's programs and new mother's groups so I can show the type of resources I have at my disposal. I have no idea about this off hand so I will be calling around trying to find out about this. I know Kaissy and I were just discussing one in Picton, so Kaiss expect me to be calling you. She did seem really impressed that we had a park within walking distance. One point for Hillier!
So there has been lots going on and we are both still feeling really good about the process. There is lots to do but neither of us mind, it is making us feel very productive. The questionnaire and movies have also sparked some conversation and are causing our views on adoption to change and develop. Josefina keeps saying that we will both grow through the process and we are already starting to see that happen. We are trying very hard to keep an open mind and learn as much as possible. We figure the more informed we are the better.
Internation Adoption - For the first time in my life I wish I lived in the United States
When Nic and I started looking into adoption the first place we started was international adoption. We travel to enough impoverished countries that we know there are children all over the world who desperately need homes. We knew the wait to adopt a young child in Ontario privately would be a long one and there were also major parts of the private adoption process that had turned us off.
As I have already mentioned the wait to adopt privately in Ontario is entirely unpredictable. This is the fist reason we thought international adoption might be easier. Some of the first websites we looked at had outlines of each countries requirements as well as approximate time lines. There seemed to be so many countries to choose from and so many children out there. The children would not be newborns but it looked like it was possible to adopt children as young as 6-12 months.
The second reason international looked good was because there was a process that you had to follow and once it was completed you were in line for a child. It removed allot of the doubts I had about dealing with birth parents. I was having nightmares about interviews with pregnant 16 year olds, who could not decide between their top three candidates.
Also when you adopt internationally you usually have to spend some time in the country or make a few trips. This would be costly and time consuming but at least once we had our child on the plane with us, he or she would be ours. No return policy! Where domestically the baby has to be alive for 7 days before the parents can sign him/her over to you. Then from the day the papers are signed they have 21 days where they can change their mind and take the baby back. We have now found out this does not happen often, it is still a very scary thought.
Lastly was the fact that we could keep our adoption private until we brought our child home. Not that we would not want the support of our family and close friends, we would. It is just with private adoption you are encourage to tell everyone and anyone that you want to adopt. The more people that know you want to adopt the more likely it is you will be able to connect with a child. Talking to your family doctor, your old high school guidance counsellor, leaving business cards at clinics, etc, are all ways to get the word out. The idea that essentially we should "advertise" ourselves was hard to take.
So for all these reasons we looked further into international adoption. The first thing I learned was that there are many countries out there who are participating in international adoption but not necessarily with Canada. In Canada you have to work with an adoption agency or Licensee who is authorized to handle adoptions for that country. If there is no agency dealing with the country that you are interested in then you can not adopt from there. The list of agencies at first seemed plentiful but when I looked closer at the countries available I realized how limited we are.
In the United States there are many agencies that deal with almost all countries available. They still have very strict rules regarding how international adoptions are preformed, but they have more connections than Canadian agencies do. I found out later that the U.S. gives allot of money to government agencies and non-profits in these countries which opens more doors for American citizens.
With regards to choosing a country, Nic and I were drawn to Latin America right away and predominately focused on Honduras. We have travelled there and love the country and people. There was even an agency in Ontario that was running a trial adoption program. The agency is Terre des Hommes (TDH) Ontario, and according to there newsletter they still had some spots available for Ontario applicants.
My mistake here was that I hit the internet and a few different chat rooms gathering information. I spoke with a few people in the States who were currently in the process of adopting from Honduras and it got my hopes up. One women had been on the list for only 9 months and had just received a referral for a 16 month old little girl. So right away I was thinking that it was possible to adopt a child under two and in a short amount of time.
I first spoke with a women by the name of Emi at TDH via e-mail to find out more information about the program. The first thing she told me was that it was virtually impossible to adopt children under two and that if I wanted more info we should talk on the phone. The phone conversation I had with her was extremely disappointing. She basically told me that even though they had 3 or 4 of the 10 spots in the program open she would not accept us. She gave a long list of reasons, but the main one was that we wanted a younger child. She said that our application could take years and would hold up the spot. She would rather keep the spots open for people willing to take older or special needs children.
I looked and looked for a loop hole to get around her or find another way to adopt from Honduras but there just is not one. In the U.S. you can hire a lawyer locally and one in the country and basically facilitate your own adoption. You just have to get the government or a licensed agency to sponsor your application. Obviously TDH would not sponsor our application and The Ministry of Children and Youth Services (the only government agency that could possible sponsor the application) does not do it. You have to go through a licensed agency.
The only other Latin America country that have agencies currently working in Canada is Colombia. Both agencies are only taking Colombian nationals as applicants. So it appears that the door to international adoption may be closed for us, but I have learned that international adoption changes all the time. There are always new agencies becoming licensed and countries closing their doors while others are opening them. Changes may happen in the future that will get us to revisit it.
Although it was not our first choice and we think it will be a long, emotional road, we are going to focus on private/public adoption. We are still going to complete our homestudy with International adoption in mind but not the central focus. Although I have not necessarily changed my view on private adoption. The issues that bothered me before, still do now. I know that Nic and I are in this together and that we can handle the emotional burden it could potentially put on us.
As I have already mentioned the wait to adopt privately in Ontario is entirely unpredictable. This is the fist reason we thought international adoption might be easier. Some of the first websites we looked at had outlines of each countries requirements as well as approximate time lines. There seemed to be so many countries to choose from and so many children out there. The children would not be newborns but it looked like it was possible to adopt children as young as 6-12 months.
The second reason international looked good was because there was a process that you had to follow and once it was completed you were in line for a child. It removed allot of the doubts I had about dealing with birth parents. I was having nightmares about interviews with pregnant 16 year olds, who could not decide between their top three candidates.
Also when you adopt internationally you usually have to spend some time in the country or make a few trips. This would be costly and time consuming but at least once we had our child on the plane with us, he or she would be ours. No return policy! Where domestically the baby has to be alive for 7 days before the parents can sign him/her over to you. Then from the day the papers are signed they have 21 days where they can change their mind and take the baby back. We have now found out this does not happen often, it is still a very scary thought.
Lastly was the fact that we could keep our adoption private until we brought our child home. Not that we would not want the support of our family and close friends, we would. It is just with private adoption you are encourage to tell everyone and anyone that you want to adopt. The more people that know you want to adopt the more likely it is you will be able to connect with a child. Talking to your family doctor, your old high school guidance counsellor, leaving business cards at clinics, etc, are all ways to get the word out. The idea that essentially we should "advertise" ourselves was hard to take.
So for all these reasons we looked further into international adoption. The first thing I learned was that there are many countries out there who are participating in international adoption but not necessarily with Canada. In Canada you have to work with an adoption agency or Licensee who is authorized to handle adoptions for that country. If there is no agency dealing with the country that you are interested in then you can not adopt from there. The list of agencies at first seemed plentiful but when I looked closer at the countries available I realized how limited we are.
In the United States there are many agencies that deal with almost all countries available. They still have very strict rules regarding how international adoptions are preformed, but they have more connections than Canadian agencies do. I found out later that the U.S. gives allot of money to government agencies and non-profits in these countries which opens more doors for American citizens.
With regards to choosing a country, Nic and I were drawn to Latin America right away and predominately focused on Honduras. We have travelled there and love the country and people. There was even an agency in Ontario that was running a trial adoption program. The agency is Terre des Hommes (TDH) Ontario, and according to there newsletter they still had some spots available for Ontario applicants.
My mistake here was that I hit the internet and a few different chat rooms gathering information. I spoke with a few people in the States who were currently in the process of adopting from Honduras and it got my hopes up. One women had been on the list for only 9 months and had just received a referral for a 16 month old little girl. So right away I was thinking that it was possible to adopt a child under two and in a short amount of time.
I first spoke with a women by the name of Emi at TDH via e-mail to find out more information about the program. The first thing she told me was that it was virtually impossible to adopt children under two and that if I wanted more info we should talk on the phone. The phone conversation I had with her was extremely disappointing. She basically told me that even though they had 3 or 4 of the 10 spots in the program open she would not accept us. She gave a long list of reasons, but the main one was that we wanted a younger child. She said that our application could take years and would hold up the spot. She would rather keep the spots open for people willing to take older or special needs children.
I looked and looked for a loop hole to get around her or find another way to adopt from Honduras but there just is not one. In the U.S. you can hire a lawyer locally and one in the country and basically facilitate your own adoption. You just have to get the government or a licensed agency to sponsor your application. Obviously TDH would not sponsor our application and The Ministry of Children and Youth Services (the only government agency that could possible sponsor the application) does not do it. You have to go through a licensed agency.
The only other Latin America country that have agencies currently working in Canada is Colombia. Both agencies are only taking Colombian nationals as applicants. So it appears that the door to international adoption may be closed for us, but I have learned that international adoption changes all the time. There are always new agencies becoming licensed and countries closing their doors while others are opening them. Changes may happen in the future that will get us to revisit it.
Although it was not our first choice and we think it will be a long, emotional road, we are going to focus on private/public adoption. We are still going to complete our homestudy with International adoption in mind but not the central focus. Although I have not necessarily changed my view on private adoption. The issues that bothered me before, still do now. I know that Nic and I are in this together and that we can handle the emotional burden it could potentially put on us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)